Nunya business

Dig.

2012-01-18T00:23:00.000-08:00

Guess what is not easy? Teaching seventh grade. Surprised? There are several reasons that I was. Having worked at the Writing Center for the last four and a half years, I thought I had a pretty good handle on teaching. I've had a wealth of experiences; I've honed my tutoring skills; I think of tutoring as an art, and I feel that I connect well with students and can anticipate their needs and come up with relevant examples and diverse ways to help them connect with and really understand the concepts I am teaching, with relative ease, oh, probably 90% of the time. I'd say, as a tutor, I am pretty much at the top of my game--with the stipulation that there is always more to learn and that each tutoring experience is unique and deserves to be tailored to several important expectations (the student's, the Writing Center's, mine, and so on). I knew teaching seventh grade would be different, but I did not anticipate HOW different it would be. The confidence that experience brings is lacking, of course, because I am a brand new teacher, freshly turned out and expecting (hoping) book learning will have greater relevance and application in the classroom than it actually does. I set ridiculous and unachievable goals for myself at times, especially when trying something new. Somehow the idea has been planted in my head that getting something right the first time--no matter how complex--equals success, and anything less--say, taking two or more tries, or heaven forbid, several, to get right--equates failure. My brain knows the expectation to get it "right" the first time is not very logical, yet something inside of me says I should be able to do it anyway. What a paradox, right? Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that teaching seventh grade English is especially challenging, and I am not at the top of my game or even close, yet I EXPECT myself to be. To be fair, I also feel pressure from my cooperating teacher, my university supervisor, and the course guidelines to get teaching right the first time. In facing my current predicament, I can't help but think of something my fiction professor said (with a slight word change to be more appropriate for the blog) in relation to writing and how much crap it takes to get to the "good" stuff: "Somewhere under all that crap is a pony." That is where I am in my teaching experience--BURIED under all of the crap--and everyday I dig myself out a little more. This is not to say that there aren't parts, moments, of teaching that I really enjoy, because there definitely are. It's just that shoveling crap for a living is backbreaking, physically and emotionally taxing work, but I am sure, when it's all cleaned up, it is rewarding work as well. Just keep digging. Just keep digging. Key the dwarves' song from Snow White ala done in the style of my brother Mikey and his lovely wife Melissa singing a duet: We dig, dig, dig, dig; dig, dig, dig, dig; in our mine the whole day throuuugh ; to dig, dig, dig, dig; dig, dig, dig dig; is what we really like to doooo. (These next lyrics I found particularly pertinent and timely for my situation and future career) It ain't no trick to get RICH quick if you dig, dig, dig with a shovel or a pick. In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! Where a million diamonds--well timed pause--Shine! There are more verses, but I think you get the point. I aim to eventually get to the top of my teaching game, and I vow to be patient with myself as I dig my way there. Someday in the future, I'll ride my newly discovered pony off into the sunset.

Writing really helps.

2012-01-09T17:33:00.001-08:00

I've posted this picture in three places now, and every time I look at it, I cry. Dang, how I love that girl. When we dropped her off curbside at the MTC last September, I didn't really cry at all; I felt a little sad, and I guess part of the lack of tears was because she still seemed so close to home. And she was. But today, the reality of my Rinny being thousands of miles away in a few short hours (definitely a long trip for her though) came crashing down just outside the airport security check. Sean kept telling me to smile for the picture, but I just couldn't. I tried to absorb as much of Corinne's goodness as I could in that hug, to store it up for the next twelve plus months. Whatever dam I had built in my heart, when we dropped her off five months ago, is now demolished, and the tears are rushing forth full speed. My girl went through security waved goodbye, and went forward, unfaltering, into a brand new chapter of adventure that is her life. My heart aches, but it leaps too. She will do great things. She will come home stronger. Her experiences in the mission field will prepare her well for the storms and joys of her future life to come. God speed, Sister Bauer. God speed!

How it's going so far...

2012-01-04T21:26:00.000-08:00

Living by faith can sure look ugly. I was a mess of frustration and stress this afternoon and evening. But, I took it up with God, and like always, he pulled through. Faith 1: Fear 0.

Welcome, 2012

2012-01-02T07:56:00.000-08:00

This year brings a lot of change for our family, and especially for me as I will be student teaching starting tomorrow (yikes!) and then looking for a teaching job come spring. Sean will be carrying the load of his biggest semester (11 crediits) along with the bulk of meeting our increased financial needs with decreased means, both due to my student teaching, and he will, of course, continue to work full time, so we won't be seeing much of each other for the next few months. Corinne will soon be out in the mission field again, Skyler is going back to college and working, and Forrest is working and preparing to serve a mission in the summer. These coming events have helped me to choose my word of focus for the year, FAITH. With so much unknown, worry is usually my coping mechanism, but I have found that worry doesn't change circumstances, or help things to get better. Faith, on the other hand, does. When I take my concerns to the Lord, and have put forth the effort to do all that I can do by myself, there is great peace in knowing that I am in the Lord's hands, and that he will keep his promises to take care of the deficit, whatever it may be. Faith is what will get me through the difficult challenges ahead, not fear or complaint. Faith is what will calm me when my daughter is thousands of miles away; faith will help me know how to manage a room full of squirrelly 7th graders. Faith will help me to let go of my grasp on my adult children, and it will help me believe in them and their abilities to make good choices and to go after their dreams. Faith will help me know the best advice to give them and then to let them choose for themselves. Faith will help me strengthen my relationship with my husband, even though we will be spending so much time apart. Faith requires action, and I am ready to go and do whatever is required of me. I have lived too long with worry and with the silliness of relying only on myself to get things done. I know that the Lord can be my partner in my trials and challenges, if I will let Him be. When I share my life with the Lord, including my struggles, my worries, and my doubts, I receive greater strength, direction, and relief, and I accomplish so much more with so much less wasted energy spent on useless worry. Faith will strengthen my relationship with the Lord and will deepen my testimony of the Savior, Jesus Christ. Faith is my answer to the unknown. I hope that you will choose a word to focus on as well. Make it a positive one, explore why it is the best word for you, and work toward achieving it day by day. Goals are achieved through planning and small steps forward. Years are made good or bad by our attitudes toward the events that take place in them. Happiness comes from enjoying the journey and the destination. I am determined to make 2012 a good one; I will go forward with FAITH.

2011-12-27T16:33:00.000-08:00

Howdy.

This is a picture of some of our bounteous, heirloom, tomato harvest last fall. Aren't they lovely? This picture makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to (planting my garden) at the end of student teaching in the spring, and it also reminds me that student teaching won't last forever (thank goodness! But perhaps I'll feel differently at the end of it...).

I am getting really worked up about student teaching, but I want to turn that negative energy into something more productive like being really, really prepared and excited. I am working on some ideas for teaching The Outsiders to my seventh graders when the new term starts on January 17th. Planning is way better than fretting. I'll be observing, starting on January 3rd, for the first couple of weeks, and then I'll transition into taking over. Eighty-five minutes is a long time to keep someone's attention, let alone a roomful of seventh graders, so my cooperating teacher has advised me to break the time up into four twenty-minute chunks. A good idea, I believe, and one I am working on implementing into my lesson plans.

When I scan back through my life, I can see so many times when fear prevented, or nearly prevented, me from making much needed progress. So this fear about student teaching is not new. I have come so far though, and have learned so much, that I will NOT let fear control me any longer. Faith is stronger than any fear, and I now know and trust, through multiple experiences, that I can ask for the Lord's help when fear enters my heart, and he WILL provide guidance and relief. I do not need to give in to fear any longer. Always, for me, learning is a spiritual experience and facing challenges with courage strengthens my character. With God's help, I can do this.

I can do this!

I have found that cooking is a positive and productive way to turn negative energy into something awesome. This is the pizza I made for dinner last night; the crust recipe is compliments of this blog which I discovered on Pintrest. The dough is just fantastic, and I've made the cheesy bread sticks a couple of times too; they are divine.

Phew. I was stressed, but venting about it in writing really helps!

I need to say that we've had an awesome time being all together for the holidays; we have been so blessed, and as an added bonus, Corinne is feeling much better, and today, the doctor cleared her to continue serving her mission in Korea! It isn't set in stone yet, and we don't know any of the travel details, but we are excited. And so, so grateful! See? God is good. So very good!

2011-12-17T10:19:00.000-08:00

I am feeling a lot of things today, but most of all, I am feeling grateful. I am so blessed. I believe I have the most amazing husband and children in the world. Each is a unique and diverse character with a personal and deep love for God and the gospel of Jesus Christ, which they express in a genuine manner--fitting of each character. These amazing individuals, who I am privileged to call my family and to have the opportunity to be with now and into the eternities, are my greatest gifts and loves. If I am anyone worthwhile, and I believe that I am, it is due in great part to their contributions, healing powers, and ability to transform me--under God's watchful care--from fragmented shards of a being into a whole and well person. The friends that have been placed in my path have continued that sense of a gathering of my true self, like a windstorm of sorts, each bringing a needed perspective and love at crucial points in my life. Oh, how I love and thank you for lifting and loving me. You have made my times of trial pass with so much less hurt and loneliness. Most of all, I am grateful for my Father in Heaven, his son Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost--each of whom I am learning to trust and rely on more than ever before to guide and direct me in gentle, true, and patient ways, and who are essential in helping me to find my purpose and become who I am meant to be. I am blessed. I am loved. I am grateful.

2011-11-29T16:06:00.000-08:00

Just now, I was in a tutorial when the blue blue sky behind the craggy grey and snow topped mountains highlighted outside the center's south east windows, just over the student's head, captured my attention. It was absolutely gorgeous and the two of us both commented on it and dedicated a moment or two of quiet appreciation--perhaps even awe--to the scene before focusing back on the paper. Oh how I love moments like this! It makes me love living in Utah, even when so many other things make me want to leave this beautiful state. These are the moments we must take the time to acknowledge, lest we become wrapped up in the negativity of the world. I want to be like that sky tonight: a reason to keep on living and feeling happy!

Thanksgiving Surprise

2011-11-24T06:41:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I went on a little adventure to visit my friend Rebecca who moved back to Utah after a three year (plus) hiatus. My sister, Susan, offered to give me a ride up to Sandy since she works on 5600 south. She has a little mini cooper to help save on gas, and it was so cool to ride in it! I loved it--the ride and the chat we had on the way up. We are both busy and don't ever get the opportunity to hang out, so it was really nice to do that, even for a short time. Sue dropped me off at Rebecca's and zoomed off to work. Rebecca and I spent the day chatting and catching up and we also walked up to Tuesday Morning and then had a buffet lunch at an Indian restaurant. It was so yummy! We walked back and had some chocolate cake and some more chatting. Then I decided I better head to the bus stop before it got dark since I didn't know the area well, so I used Rebecca's phone to call Sean and let him know I was heading home. This is where the surprise comes in. Sean told me he got a call from Corinne's mission president and that he was going to pick her up from the MTC at 6 pm! She has been having tummy trouble and they wanted her to be home for the holidays since she would be going home in 2 weeks anyway. I had been praying for her and me to accept the Lord's will, and to help me not feel bitter, angry, or disappointed if she did need to come home. It may sound funny not to want your missionary to come home, but she has been loving it so much and her mission has been such a blessing to her and our family. I mostly didn't want her to feel sad, and although it was hard for her to leave, my prayers have been answered, and the most happy part is that when she is given a clean bill of health, they will set her apart again and she could be on a plane to Korea in as little as 2 days after that! It is awesome to have her home for Thanksgiving, and we will surprise a lot of family this evening when we stop for pie and visits. Thank you for your prayers and concern in behalf of Corinne and our family. We have been and are so blessed! Happy Thanksgiving!

Where I can turn for Peace

2011-11-18T08:00:00.000-08:00

2011-11-12T11:14:00.001-08:00

Isn't it such a relief when dreaded events are over? I feel drained. But I did it, and it wasn't TOO bad. Thanks to you and your prayers ;).

Test Anxiety

2011-11-11T16:43:00.000-08:00

I am so grateful to my friend, Nat, who saved my life today. I am taking the Praxis II tomorrow, and to help calm my anxiety, last week I went to BYU to scope out the location of the test which was scheduled for the Heber J. Grant building. But two days ago the testing center called and changed the test location to what sounded like the Morris Center, and they also overnighted a new admission ticket which arrived yesterday. Apparently, I read it wrong, because it wasn't at the Morris Center, it is at the MARB, which Nat and I found out through a series of missteps, one unhelpful fellow, and two very helpful people who were kind enough to call around and find out where the test had been moved to--the MARB, as my ticket in fact does say--and then Nat showed me how to drive close to it, where to park (where to have someone drop me off fairly close), and she even walked me to the building and went inside with me so that I won't be in a panic tomorrow morning at 7am. Thank you Nat! You are such a great friend and saved me from a morning of sorrow and despair!! So, now I am trying to de-stress even more by drinking a extra large orange dream machine smoothie and getting ready to take a practice Praxis II test in a few minutes. If you are the praying type, send one my way tonight or tomorrow. I will be ever so grateful!

2011-11-02T16:02:00.000-07:00

It be-eth November! This month puts me in a V for Vendetta watching mood; don't you just love that movie? I do! "Remember, remember the fifth of November, the gun powder treason and plot..." I will be watching it in the next day or two for sure. Thought I'd write about a couple of upcoming events that make my future as a teacher seem very real indeed. The first takes place on November 12th: the dreaded Praxis II test. Dreaded by me, anyway. This is the content area test, English, for me, and although I feel I know my content pretty well, I absolutely FEAR tests. Therefore, I am taking it at 7:30am at BYU on a Saturday because I need to get it over with ASAP. Commence the studying. The other event is Student Teaching Orientation which takes place in a little under a month, on December 1st. On that day, or afternoon, I will find out where I'll be teaching and with whom. I'll also be meeting with my faculty supervisors from the School of Education and English departments. All the new student teachers will meet together and then we'll separate into our disciplines; it's pretty cool to think of us all going out to teach at the same time. I can hardly believe that the final stage of earning my teaching certificate is nearly upon me. It will be 2 years in January since I started the whole process; I have been taking 6 credits a semester, except this semester I took 7, and next will be full time with 12 credits. Isn't it weird that you have to pay to student teach? It will be about 2500 dollars for the 2 classes (student teaching and classroom management 2). Thank goodness for my job and the tuition waiver I can earn each semester which will pay for half of those credits in the spring! What a blessing; otherwise, I don't know how we'd afford for me to finish. I am so lucky and blessed. And grateful! It feels good to blog again, and I am working on another post where I tell the story of seeing Corinne at the temple this week. It was pretty freaking awesome, if I can say that about seeing my missionary. The Lord has blessed me greatly in my life. I can't thank him enough.

Mercy me

2011-11-01T19:31:00.000-07:00

Many of you probably already know this story, thanks to the convenience and ease of posting news worthy tid bits of info on that little menace of an invention we like to call "the Facebook", or from my recent updating of Sister Rin's blog, or coupled with the fact that this very incident was the focus of me bearing (and bawling my eyes out--I'm such a cliche :)) my testimony in church about it on Sunday, but I want to record the awesomeness of the whole experience so that I may never forget it.

Last Tuesday morning (November 1, 2011), 5:30am came especially early, it seemed, and after having somewhat of a restless night, I did not wake up my usual chipper self. I worried myself awake several times about going to the Provo temple on Tuesday, Corinne's P-day, and whether it was ok or not. She didn't know I was coming, but I did, and I wanted it to be alright with the Lord. And, as a result of this worry, I totally stressed the whole time I was at the temple (what a waste! something to change for sure), and although the Spirit was a calming influence as always, I was distracted by feelings of guilt and inadequacy while completing the ordinance. I must say that I love going to the temple with my mom. She picks me up at home, drives all the way from Springville, and we get to chat and enjoy each other's company one-on-one for a few precious hours. My mom is definitely one of my heroes, and I cherish getting to spend alone time with her. She makes me feel so loved and special. Anyway, we dressed and went out to add some names to the prayer roll, as we usually do, and then walked toward the temple entrance/exit. I was looking down for some reason, and when I looked up I saw a woman at the recommend desk, and the woman saw me and said "Mom!" It was my Corinne!! I could not believe it. She came to me and we gave each other a good long hug and I asked her "How are you?!" And she answered, "I am good, but I am not supposed to talk to you right now." So I said "Ok" and she went to hug my mom, while I spoke for a moment with the other sisters she was with. Unfortunately, her current companion, Sister Dub ("W" from Washburn), wasn't with her that morning, but I had fun meeting the other sisters and painfully regret not hugging each of them as their mothers surely would have LOVED to do! Drat! Hurry, go hug some missionaries, of your same gender and if it doesn't break any mission rules of course, right now! I got to spend several minutes staring and smiling at my beautiful daughter from a close distance, and I left the temple feeling like I was on cloud nine. My mom told me on the way to the car that she had prayed before picking me up, and she had asked Heavenly Father that we might see Corinne if it was right. My mom rocks! I hope you enjoy this experience as much as I have, and that it helps you appreciate the tender mercies and blessings that God showers down upon his children every single day of their lives.

2011-09-28T12:28:00.000-07:00

Howdy!
How is everybody? I hope you are all well, because I am feeling fantastic today. My good friend Scott asked me to substitute for him in a week and a half, but I have to complete some steps to become a sub at his school before I can actually fill in for him. One of these steps was to send a resume to the director and wait to see if she wanted to interview me for the next step. Well, she emailed me back today and said she wants to meet with me! Hurray! I am one step closer to being a REAL teacher. Wahoo! Thanks, Scott!

2011-09-19T12:53:00.000-07:00

A lot can happen in four years. Here are a few milestones from the past 4 years of my life: I graduated from college (2008) and all three of my kids graduated from high school (2008, 2010, 2011), some of my best friends moved away (2007, 2008, 2009, 2010), one of my children is on a mission (2011); two are working part time (2011), I've worked at the Writing Center for 4 years and counting (2007-2011)--the longest I've worked any job besides housekeeping, after a long hiatus, my husband is now working on his BFA (2010+), I am nearly finished with my teaching certificate (Spring 2012), we welcomed a new dog (2008) and mourned the passing of an old dog (2010), we rode bikes a lot (summers 2010 & 2011), we've owned and worn out 3 used vehicles (Subaru 2007)(Nissan truck 2010)(Volvo 2010) and were gifted one from Sean's sister and her husband (Saturn 2011 to present), and have celebrated 4 wedding anniversaries (21 years and counting: 2008,2009,2010, and 2011), many birthdays, Halloweens, Easters, Thanksgivings, Christmases, and other holidays.

All of these milestones, and so many more, were done in the absence of my brother, Beaner. The passing of time, as is often said, has indeed helped to cushion his loss. But it remains that he is gone and missed, and tears are still shed in his behalf at unexpected times. My resolve to work through things between he and I in my last year's anniversary post is still largely unmet, mostly because I didn't want to think about it or purposefully create a plan for working on it. Sometimes it is easier just to ignore the fact that he is gone, or to pretend that we were never at war with each other. It is hard to describe what it is like to lose someone you love and loathe in equal measure. Anyway, I don't want to set a new resolve just to feel disappointed in myself when I don't achieve it by next year's anniversary post, but I do want to change something for the better.

My sister (Sandy) told me a story once about a woman she knew when she served as Relief Society president of her ward. This woman had attempted suicide several times (I don't remember her exact circumstances--but I do know that she suffered from severe depression, and had been hospitalized multiple times as a result). Sandy had visited her after several of her attempts, but on this particular occasion, the woman had checked herself into the hospital instead of attempting suicide. Sandy praised the woman for seeking help instead of harming herself and questioned her about what had made the difference. The woman responded that the last time she and Sandy had talked, Sandy had encouraged her to "change one thing"about her situation, and that is exactly what she did: she called for help instead of harming herself.

This story has stuck with me, and I feel that the significance of "changing one thing" can be applied to so many aspects of my life--from my attitude to the words I speak. I resolve to change one thing between this year and next when it comes to the relationship of me and my brother.

Stolen from another blog

2011-09-09T11:28:00.001-07:00

Me, Beulah, and Sean in all our glory. Enjoy!

2011-09-08T21:06:00.000-07:00

Just in case you are sick of hearing about missionary stuff, there are and have been other things going on 'round here. First off, my friend Rebekah, formerly of D.C., graced us with her presence for a week two weeks ago. Rebekah is hands down the funniest friend I have, and she kept me laughing the whole time, which was a much welcomed relief during the stress of constant missionary prep activities. The whole family enjoyed her company, and we were all sad to see her go. She was also such a good sport about all the chaos which is the Bauer household--she bore us well. We miss you Rebekizzle! Hmmm...next, the school year began for Sean and I. It is my last semester before student teaching in January, which is both exciting and frightening. Wow. Teachers have to know and do so much. Thank and/or hug a teacher today! Sean is taking 3 classes, and he is doing so great. I am so proud of him and so grateful for all he does for me and our family. I lucked out big time. How I love that man. Our garden is yielding her bounty; we've got loads of beautiful tomatoes and onions, and we processed a batch of chili sauce this week as to not waste a bit of it. My husband grew those tomato babies from seed--yes, he's a gardening genius. Lastly, we've been riding bikes in the beautiful, cool, pre-fall weather. It is wonderful--I love nothing more than being on top of the world, aka my bike. It is heaven, and I highly recommend it to all. Night!

2011-09-07T05:27:00.000-07:00

My girl went into the MTC today. All the prep work was finally finished, and it was time to let her go. She is mine and also not mine at the same time, so who better to turn her over to than the Lord? What an honor and privilege it has been to have raised this amazing daughter. How much she has taught me about love and healing. How much about pain and forgiveness and renewal.

My girl is sleeping in an unfamiliar bed in an unfamiliar place tonight, and my heart especially desires to make sure hers is feeling good and happy, if not entirely content. A new adventure began for her today, and I hope the weight and excitement of it all tuckered her right out. I hope she is sleeping with the knowledge that I am thinking of her and praying for her well being and success. I hope she dreams happy dreams and wakes at 6:30am with a smile on her face. I hope I do to.

2011-08-22T11:48:00.000-07:00

We are getting down to the wire as far as sending Corinne on her mission. This week she will be receiving her endowment, having her wisdom teeth removed, speaking in church, and having a farewell get together at our house afterward. Yesterday evening some friends, Aubrey and Toby, came to dinner. Aubrey, who also went on a mission to Korea, brought her mission albums for us to look through. They were awesome! She also shared some stories and tips, and I think it made Corinne even more excited to go.

For those of you interested in helping, keeping my family in your prayers for the next couple of weeks would be the best way. It is a happy but stressful and hurried time, and it would be really nice to feel the comfort of your concern and care through the power of prayer. What an awesome gift! Pray that Corinne will heal well from her wisdom teeth removal, as she will be giving her talk just a few days afterward. Thank you so much!

2011-08-09T15:58:00.000-07:00

In response to my faithful readers' requests (I have faithful readers?! Yay!), here are some needs Corinne still has:

Scriptures--new and unmarked; she would like a triple and bible separate of each other (in English)--I realize these are expensive and am planning on buying them if no one else volunteers

Nice blouses/shirts: size L/12...she will be living at home soon and you could call her here and take her out and make her try them on to ensure a better fit

~~4 Flat sheets (no fitted)--twin size~~

~~Nylon footie socks--the kind that just cover the toes and heel~~ These "socks"(called Peds) were insanely hard to find...but find them we did. Thanks Shopko!

~~A small retractable umbrella~~ Thanks Target!

A towel and washcloth

~~A CamelBak~~ Thanks Scott and Alta!

Boots--Size 10-11

~~Sewing kit~~ Thanks grandma!

~~First aid kit~~ Thanks Jenna!

~~A haircut~~

~~Stationary~~ Thnaks Cori!

Postage

Basic toiletries: shampoo, ~~conditioner~~, body wash, lotion, deodorant, face wash, facial moisturizer, ~~mousse~~

This is all I can think of without her papers here...I'll add more to the list later. If you want to donate, leave a comment about which item you are thinking of, and we'll update the list to show what has been taken care of.

Thank you so much!

2011-08-09T06:20:00.001-07:00

I love lists. My kids make fun of me because when I buy something at the grocery store that isn't on my list, I write it down and check it off right then--I can't help it, it must be on the list to count :). The other day, I went to Target and browsed the little dollar section. I was super excited to find and purchase a magnetic note pad/list where each page makes up an entire week that is separated into weekdays with a lined section and a box for checking when the item is finished. I intended to use this nifty pad for myself, but it made more sense to give it to Corinne instead because she is the missionary. She knows all about my listing and missionary prep anxieties, and, in fact, likes to torture me by pretending that she isn't preparing at all by answering "No" with a big smile when I continually badger her with questions of "Did you do _____ yet?" or "When are you going to do_______?" Despite her amusement at my frustration, Corinne kindly emailed me her list for the day yesterday, noting that she had already completed the items with an asterisk and was working on the others. I was/am so pleased, proud, and relieved! The next generation of list-makers is going strong; my work is done.

where I stand

2011-08-02T09:18:00.000-07:00

I am at one of my favorite parts of the Book of Mormon--in Alma (chapters 17-20) when Ammon goes among the Lamanites and serves and converts King Lamoni and his people. I love it because Ammon is so genuine in his love of the Lamanites, the gospel, and his desire to share it. He doesn't force his beliefs on King Lamoni, rather he serves him with love and true devotion which ends up being the key into sharing his belief in God and the Savior, Jesus Christ. Ammon is the kind of missionary I want to be--the kind of missionary I believe my daughter will be too. He truly LOVES the Lamanites and wants them to feel the happiness that the gospel brings, and he risks his life to bring it to them. Today, I feel so blessed. Many people have reached out to Corinne in preparing for her mission, and I am humbled by the generosity of their support. I know that God answers my prayers and performs daily miracles in my life. He is watchful, concerned, and aware of all that his children are going through. Last week, my mom called to tell me that her doctor suspects that she (my mom) has Lupus and Alopecia (in my mom's case, complete and sudden hair loss). I cried for my mom and for the trauma and the change of self confidence losing all of your hair would cause, and I cried about her having a disease with no cure. I felt pretty despondent and helpless that night, but I also felt the power of the comforter which I so desperately needed. I offered several prayers for my mom and for myself--that we would be able to accept this trial and face it with faith. On Friday, she left a message with Forrest while I was at work saying that the Lupus test came back negative! Such a blessing and a miracle for our family. I know the baldness is and will be hard for my mom--and for me as I so want to help her feel better--but there is something to be learned from this experience, and I want to make sure that I do learn. Life is not meant to be about riding along smoothly, it is about following a bumpy, unfamiliar, and twisty road leading back to our first home, but we don't ever travel this road alone. At times, we may be 4 wheeling in mud up to our windshield, but when we include the Savior, he cleans our view and wenches us out when we are stuck. We can spend our lives complaining about the journey, how rough it is, how it isn't fair, or we can recognize God's hand in guiding us where he wants and needs us to go and do, while exercising our faith in Him and believing in his power to help us succeed. I think most of us volley back and forth between these two reactions, but we don't have to. We can choose to trust that everything happens for a reason, and that someday we can and will understand. God either loves us, or he doesn't. What happens in life and our reactions to it shows what we believe about God's love. I know that he unconditionally loves us, and right now I understand much of what I have been through and why, which is a great place to be. But I didn't get here by accident; I know my position is the direct result of putting my faith and trust in God and his son Jesus Christ and opening my eyes to recognize and express gratitude for his hand in my life. I also know that the opportunity to understand also exists for ALL of his children. Do your part--believe in God's love for you.

Hiking Spanish Fork Peak

2011-07-24T08:30:00.000-07:00

I stole all the following pictures from my brother in law's, Chad, facebook page. Thanks, Chad! I hiked Timp twice last year; once on the steep (Aspen) trail from which I made it to the saddle, and once from the not as steep (Timpanokee) side from which I summitted. Timp is definitely a challenging hike, but I think Spanish Fork Peak (SPFP) is even more challenging because it is steeper and there are very FEW switchbacks. We, my sister in law Ivy and her husband Chad, made it to the lake despite the difficulty SPFP presented us with all along the trail. Enjoy our journey in pictures with a little bit of commentary:

From the beginning: the parking lot at Whiting Campground in Mapleton Canyon.

The contenders...

Skyler and Forrest from whom we got separated before we even made it to the trailhead. However, my boys had a good day mountain biking, although they had to wait for seven hours (with no keys or entertainment) for us to return. Thanks for being so patient, guys!

Me, myself, and I. The three of us had a great time.

Drake, my trusty steed.

Ivy, my beautiful, courageous, and persistent sister in law. This was her longest hike ever, and she did AWESOME! I am so proud of her. Her big toenail is presently coming off as a result of this hike. Poor Ivy!

Chad, Ivy's husband. Such a good guy and a great (though quiet) listener and hiker. We all know that I do enough talking for those who don't talk so much. Thanks for listening, Chad!

The destination: Spanish Fork Peak (not shown). We did not attain it, but we did make it to the lake which is shown, again out of order, below. These pictures are misleading as they are near the end of our hike and of the few relatively flat places. 90% of the hike was very very steep.

Yay! We made it to the lake!

The trailhead marker. Five lowly miles which felt like twenty five. I am not kidding.

Overgrowth: this is what a lot of the trail looked like. Either this, or rocks, or both.
Can you even see the trail? Crazy.

But look at that green and beautiful mountain top! So worth the trouble.

More vistas.

Into the woods...

Almost there, Ives!

Ivy and I by the lake which we duly dubbed Salamander Lake. There were tons of them!

Undeterred by the salamanders, Drake happily cooled off and possibly drank up some of the babies.

The view from a vista above. Awesome, no?

For me, hiking is always a spiritual experience, and this outing was no exception. Ivy really struggled on the way up, and with good reason because it was SO steep and strenuous. At one point she was more than ready to give up and turn back, but the three of us had prayer together, and she made a complete turn around afterward, even though the descent ended up being harder on her body than the ascent. I am so impressed with her courage and stamina and this hike as a whole is one of my favorite experiences. Ivy and Chad are incredibly strong people and we had an amazing time together. I loved every minute of this experience. I testify that God and Jesus Christ are real, that they love us, and they hear and answer our prayers, even in our most desperate and loneliest times.

She's got soul, but she's not a solider

2011-07-14T04:27:00.000-07:00

Corinne got her mission call yesterday, on her 21st birthday; she is going to Seoul, South Korea! She will enter the MTC on September 7th. We are so excited and pleased for her. Corinne will be an incredible missionary, and her service will bless so many lives, not to mention our own.

two items

2011-07-12T06:03:00.000-07:00

Two exciting items of note:

1. Corinne's mission call is supposedly on its way to our home--should be here on Wednesday (which also happens to be Corinne's 21st birthday)! Cast your predictions now, if you so desire :)

2. For the first (and last) time ever, I am going to see a Harry Potter movie the night it is released (Thursday at midnight, in fact). Wish me luck and a good seat.

Product endorsement

2011-07-06T14:04:00.001-07:00

I am not one who usually endorses products or companies, but I have a cool story to tell which pretty much does the endorsing itself, so please bear with me...

Observe the tent in the picture above (ignore my smile and the complete awesomeness of the tent as it gives away the happiness of the ending of promised story. CAUTION: Do not skip reading the story because it's really quite good, and I will know that you cheated if you do it anyway). Twenty years ago this spring, Sean and I splurged and bought a North Face Tadpole model tent with part of our tax return. The very same tent you see in the picture above, in fact. This little two man, or one man and one woman rather, tent went on many an excursion from that time forth and served us very well indeed. That is, until about five years ago, when two boy scouts (Skyler and Forrest) took it to camp and proceeded to forget to stake it down. A windstorm ensued, and the tent came home with a broken pole (in 2 places) and a ripped rain fly. The tent then sadly resided in a stuff sack--untouched and unappreciated--for five years.

One day, I went to Out N Back and happened to ask an employee about tent repair. The employee asked what kind of a tent it was, and told me that yes they do repairs, but that I should try to contact The North Face about their lifetime warranty and see if the repairs might be covered by it. A couple of months went by, but finally, I did just that. I went to The North Face website and chatted with a friendly employee who told me to print of a return slip, fill it out, and send it in with the tent. She said that they would notify me by postcard about what they could do for me, if anything. I followed her directions and sent in the tent just under 2 weeks ago. I waited and waited, but did not receive a postcard, so I started to worry that my tent got lost in transit.

Fast forward to last night...a knock came at the door as Sean and I were busily preparing our Hawaiian haystacks. Sean went to investigate, and lo and behold, it was my tent--it had come back to me! Inside were two papers explaining how they replaced the poles even though the break wasn't covered by warranty as a one time service and also replaced the rainfly under the terms of the warranty. All it cost me was the 10 bucks to ship it to California. WaHoo! So, we calmly ate our dinner, then I promptly set up my tent, and Sean took a picture with his iphone to document the momentous occasion.

Let this be a lesson unto all: buy a North Face tent and you shall be happy forevermore.

The End.

A hurricane and a movie

2011-06-29T16:24:00.000-07:00

Corinne and I met up after work via bicycle and rode to good ole' Movies 8 to watch Soul Surfer today. It was kind of windy on the way down, but we bought our tickets and headed over to Buy Low for some movie time snacks. After purchasing plums, Nibs, cheddar Chex Mix, a Propel for Corinne and a Gatorade for me, we went back out to grab the bikes and ride back to the theater. The winds picked up tremendously, and a torrent of rain was added to finish the delightful recipe of a hurricane. It was fierce weather, but we had a great time riding to the theater and the movie was awesome--I loved it and want to be a surfer now :). Go see it!

Happiness is a long bike ride

2011-06-25T07:41:00.000-07:00

Beulah's first cross-city journey took place yesterday. Skyler and I gallivanted (definition #2) from Orem to Springville in an hour and thirty minutes including a stop at the Stouffer's Thrift store and therefore a very full and heavy basket for me before heading up to my parents' for the day. As expected, Beulah rode like a dream and complained not at all. Corinne joined us for the ride home, and though it was warm, it wasn't unbearable, and once again our time was about an hour and a half even with a head wind coming at us a third of the way. Three hours total very well spent (Skyler and I rode a total of thirty miles!), so well spent in fact that it has me contemplating and eager to change the time I waste watching TV or on the computer into something much more productive. Escapism is not bad from time to time, but riding is a much better way for my mind and body to truly escape and to give me that great feeling of satisfaction afterward. Riding to Springville and back was fun; I felt physically tired and slept very well last night as a result, and, as a bonus, I am not sore at all today. Must be the shorter rides I do nearly everyday which prepared me for yesterday's. Many times along the journey I wished I had brought my camera. The views were spectacular, and I want to document my rides in the future. Not taking pictures is my only regret from a day well spent and enjoyed.

Perspective

2011-06-21T15:10:00.000-07:00

I've had an amazing couple of days--friend and conversation wise. I have learned and gained so much. Today, I had lunch with a friend from school and one of our former professors, and this most incredible professor told us the story behind her tattoos, one of which really struck me. She got it to remind herself about life's journey--all the possibilities that are available to her (and to each of us) and the unique perspectives we all have. I am inspired to continue to find myself and am setting an awesome new goal to work toward in the next year. It (situations, circumstances, choices, attitudes...) really is all about PERSPECTIVE, and with God's help and guidance, I am going to change mine for the better. Go to and do thou likewise.

A helpful sign

2011-06-18T20:43:00.001-07:00

A snake tale

2011-06-14T15:48:00.000-07:00

Once upon a time, there was a little snake who snuck into a little pond, selected a tasty morsel for a snack, and bit off way more than he could chew...

He tried and tried his hardest to swallow, but alas, he could not.
After some time, the little snake gave up. But guess what? The fish was moving a little.

She was still alive! A brave man grabbed a stick, flipped her back into the water, and she swam away as if nothing ever happened.
The end.

P.S. This is a true story, but there are no pictures to prove the last part; you'll just have to come see the fish in person.

He did it!

2011-06-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

Way to go Forrest; we are SO very proud of you! Love, your family

A post with REAL pictures

2011-05-28T19:48:00.001-07:00

I can't remember my last post with real pictures. I am not a fan of taking or posting pictures of myself, but I decided to get used to it because I don't want to be a hypocrite, and I expect all of my blogging friends to post pictures of themselves and what they are doing on occasion. I need to see my friends--This means you!

We spent some time working in the yard this weekend, we still have lots more to do, but it is coming along. Here is a really dorky picture of me working in the garden, or rather, me opening my new gardening gloves...that is Skyler weed-wacking in the background. My fauxhawk fell down as a result of all my hard work; a small price to pay.

I really want to have an urban farm, and I guess we sort of do. I just wish I had a goat or a miniature donkey to add to the family...too bad we are not zoned for those kinds of animals. Drake (our Airedale) kind of looks like a sheep, so I guess he and Sanora (our little Border Collie) will have to do.

See our little enclosed garden area with covered archway that Sean and his brother Grady built several years ago? They built the shed too, and most of the building materials were recycled from the deck we tore down in our backyard. The corrugated, sheet-metal roofing came from a barn that was being torn down in Lindon. There was a sign that said all the wood and roofing were free for the taking to anyone who wanted to tear it apart. Our friends Ty and Linda scoped out the barn find; thanks guys! Most of the fencing around the garden also came from the wood of the same barn.

On the far right, the little A frame structure is our new chicken ark that Sean and Forrest built. It takes two people to lift it with those longish wood pieces and we move it around the yard so the chickens can peck for bugs and so their poop doesn't ruin the lawn. There will be a couple close-ups further down in the post.

What you can't see is our pond (we have seven fish) and the fireplace area...I'll have Sean take pictures of those aspects another time.

Look at those weeds in the left corner. They are gone now, thank goodness.

My hard working fam, minus Corinne and including Sean behind the camera :). We finally got most of our veggies in--we have had so much rain and a couple of very busy weekends so the planting was postponed again and again.

The chicken ark! The two sections which make up the sides (the upper "door" and lower "door") are completely removable. The stairs are raised with an ingenious little rope-lever system Sean devised, but the chickens are still figuring it out...so we put them up top ourselves at night to keep them warm and safe from the elements.

Our four lovely hens (Little Red, Goldie, Tid Bit, and Yet) are seven weeks old today. In celebration, we fed them worms from the garden and they ran around clucking and chasing each other. I called it chicken football (it makes as much sense as American football).

The front top "door" covering the nesting and roosting area also comes off by using those two metal handles and lifting it up and out. I love my chicken ark! My husband is the best.

This concludes my post. Hope you have a fun and safe Memorial Day weekend!

Post two hundred and one: My baby

2011-05-24T14:15:00.000-07:00

2011-05-17T13:20:00.000-07:00

Hi everybody! How are you?
Here are some things I've been up to lately:
Deep cleaning my room including under the bed (yikes!), throwing lots of things away, organizing, and doing endless loads of laundry, and I am probably only half way done.
Helping plan Forrest's Eagle project; it's a bike rodeo and you should all come and bring your helmets and families: Saturday May 21st from 1-4pm @ 590 North 900 West here in Orem. We'll be covering bike safety, maintenance, and also bike games/races. Pray for good weather!
Excursions with Beulah...riding to work, for errands, meeting friends for lunch etc. It's pretty fun, especially when it is sunny.
I am also trying to help Corinne prepare for a mission and Forrest to be ready for graduation. Cool, eh? Life is grand :)

Ingenuity or paranoia?

2011-05-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

I locked Beulah to a grocery cart while I shopped at Savers (Saver's?) yesterday. My thought process was this: "If someone tries to steal her, at least they will look really stupid doing it." Then I still checked on her every five minutes anyway to make sure that no one did.

I keep thinking that I really need to bring a camera to document my travels. I saw two enormous Great Danes and six little tiny puppies in the smallest front yard in the world on my way home, and a picture of that would have looked really good on this blog.

Also, I kind of solved a mystery yesterday. I've seen a particular bike at UVU--nothing really special, except I admired its panniers (bike bags that are attached to a rack, often found on the back of the bike) which are silver and black. I have seen this bike several times when parking in my usual spot by the library and another time at Lakeridge Junior High where I had to attend a school board meeting for a class assignment. The only locking spot in sight that day was to a light post, and the mystery bike was already locked there, so Beulah had a friend. However, when I came out of the meeting, the mystery bike was gone. But yesterday, as I was cruising down the wide sidewalk of Orem Boulevard, what should I see? The mystery bike with a rider I recognized from French class 6 years ago! I don't think the rider recognized me, but we said hello to each other as we passed. I thought it was awesome to have the pieces of my mystery fit together so nicely; I am one excellent sleuth--don't you think?

Oh! Last Saturday was THE SALE of all yard sales at Wasatch Elementary in Provo, and one thing I scored was a little crock pot still in its box for $2.00 from which I made overnight steel cut oatmeal for breakfast this morning of which I am currently eating. I added brown sugar, craisins, and some milk to my bowl, and it tastes perfect!

Last of all, I have a confession to make. I have begun watching Glee, and although it is riddled with erroneous stereotypes, I like it.

Back to Biking

2011-04-19T10:16:00.000-07:00

My life is good. I am very blessed. Now, I will talk about biking (again). I rode Beulah to work today. My hands were a little cold, but not too bad. Her basket is on and so cool, but also pretty heavy; I am still getting used to all the weight at the front on the bike (not to mention at the back ;))--it's a bit wobbly. I think life is glorious, especially atop a set of wheels. I adore my bike and my life: the good, the bad, and the ugly--all of it is awesome and I feel so lucky to experience it all and to be alive. That is all. For now. Have a GREAT day everybody!

2011-04-14T08:33:00.000-07:00

I often think about how when something great is going to happen, something scary or traumatic happens first. Joseph Smith, for example, when he went into the Sacred Grove to pray, knelt down and was overpowered by a feeling and presence of darkness, and he feared for his life. Just when he thought all was lost, he saw a light above him and Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ appeared and spoke to him and called him by name. I do not mean to compare myself to the prophet, but rather to compare similar experiences I have had in my life to this experience of his. It gives me hope and makes me a little excited (despite my fear and sorrow) to know that something great is going to happen in the future. Healing, forgiveness, progress, and repair are what this current experience offer me the chance for. Thank you all for your kind comments, concern, and love. It means a lot to know you all care. Your have lifted me, and I thank you for that.

2011-04-12T18:29:00.000-07:00

It's weird how what starts as a normal seeming day can suddenly turn and really shake you up. I am not going to talk about what happened, I'll only say that today I really need my Savior for comfort. I have doubted myself as a mother and a human being today. I've questioned my actions. I've cried, felt betrayed, and been very afraid. But despite all of this, I do not doubt in Christ's ability to make me whole again, or to mend what seems broken beyond repair. I know he can do the impossible. And I will live on the hope he offers me. That is all.

My two cents

2011-04-09T13:13:00.000-07:00

Just in case anyone thinks that I only obsess over my bike and think/do nothing else, I thought I had better post about other going-ons in my life. I am still working at UVU's Writing Center: this is my forth year. I love being a tutor and helping people become better writers; I guess you could call teaching my "calling" or "purpose" because I love it and it seems to fit with everything I most like to do, besides biking of course :). I am also a Writing Scholar which is a lot like a tutor, except that I work with other disciplines (psychology, computer science, etc.) and meet with the professor to pinpoint the writing needs of the class/students and then tailor the tutoring to meet those needs. My two jobs keep me working about 35 hours a week. I am also taking 6 credits of education classes this semester, and I only have one semester left (Fall 2011) before I student teach (in January 2012). I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, or that I could be teaching in my own classroom as early as Fall of 2012. Crazy! I have met some great people in the education program at UVU, have enjoyed my classes, and, for the most part, I have had some amazing teachers. Right now it is a little frantic because there are only two weeks left before finals, but I know I will be able to get everything done in time.

I have been really dedicated to my daily scripture, prayer, and journal writing time nearly every day since my birthday. I really look forward to waking up to a quiet house at 6 am, reaching under my side of the bed for my scriptures, journal, pen, and flashlight, and snuggling down in the covers for a nice (and mostly uninterrupted) hour of study and thought. This practice makes my whole day so much better. I have found that if I do anything else before my study time it doesn't get done, so I get up, go potty, and then retreat back to bed no matter what else I think of that I could or should be doing instead. I am a much calmer student this semester and I am keeping on top of my assignments with a lot more ease and less anxiety, and I directly attribute this to putting the Lord (and my spiritual self) first. My patriarchal blessing says to put the Savior first, and If I do so, everything else will fall into its proper place, so I have tested this and found it is true! Not a day goes by that I don't run into a friend or acquaintance who makes my day so much happier and brighter, or some little incident or opportunity that warms my heart, and I know these things are gifts from my Savior to lift me up and show me his love. I am SO very blessed, and I know that the opportunity is also there for each of you--look for evidence of God's love for you, and you will find it; I promise!

There was a time when I didn't feel I deserved to be blessed, and I also didn't see manifestations of the blessings I wanted. But you know what? I wasn't striving to do or to find the Lord's will for me. I certainly thought that my will was better and that He just needed to listen to me, give me what I wanted, and all would be well. I realize now how selfish and hardheaded I was, and that I didn't trust the Lord's will to align with my own, but now it has because I finally allowed it to and quit being so stubborn in my wants. I am so happy because I know that as I am trying to listen and follow God's will for me, each of my inner desires and hopes are being addressed and met. If only I had not been so stubborn for so long, I might already be doing what I am meant to do. This is not to say that I regret the past, only that I intend to make the future better by practicing what I have learned. In writing this post today, I didn't intend to share all I have shared, but I do want to help anyone out there who has or is struggling like I was to move forward, trust God, and to exercise faith because it will TOTALLY be worth it. Start today and keep a journal of what happens because it will be miraculous. Life is wonderful, and it is even better when you let God in to experience it with you.

Beulah

2011-04-01T08:12:00.000-07:00

I've named my new bike Beulah. I learned that it means "the promised land" and that is what she is to me, so it's a nice fit, I think. Beulah and I rode to work yesterday and it was glorious and beautiful and just a little cold. She rides so perfectly--I could have just kept pedaling for hours and hours, but I didn't because I needed to go in to work. I checked on her a few times throughout the day and even rode her from the library lot to the student center lot, and then after lunch with Nat and Skyler, I rode her from the student center to the education building, just so she wouldn't get lonely or miss me too much. I wished I had one of those enormous chains to wrap her up securely like Pee Wee does in his Big Adventure, except minus the clown and the returning to a stolen bike. Those parts would suck. But I do love Beulah like Pee Wee loved his bicycle, possibly even more. At 8pm last night, Sean and I rode our bikes home together, and Beulah and I made it up 800 West with three gears just fine. We were slow, but we didn't have to stop even though it is a big hill and we were working pretty hard and it had also been close to six months since I had last ridden up that hill. I was proud of us. Then, as we met Sean at the top, it was flat ground and smooth sailing all the way home. The snow streaked mountains surrounding us were outlined by the powerful indigo of dusk, and I felt like I was riding in a better world. Beulah said she felt the same way. So, we are getting along great, Beulah and I; obviously, we were meant for each other.

Can't sleep

2011-03-26T01:49:00.000-07:00

So, I am perusing the internet for bike accessories. This is a front rack and basket for my new
(as yet unnamed) bike. I think it's perfect!

Oh blessed day!

2011-03-24T10:25:00.000-07:00

My beautiful new bike came yesterday! Skyler was home to receive her, and Forrest so kindly put her together for me. On her maiden voyage, Forrest and I cruised over to Great Clips for a much needed haircut (for him) and to WinCo for much needed dinner provisions (for us all). She rides so smootly and is glorious to behold. I am estaticly happy :). Now for the clouds to go away and for a break to ride her in my twelve hour work/school day. All well. There is always tomorrow!

2011-03-22T17:16:00.000-07:00

My bike was delivered today. Except, no one was home to sign for it, so they only left a note and no bike. SAD! Tomorrow, hopefully, someone will be home!

P.S. I have a sore froat.

2011-03-15T20:43:00.000-07:00

Question: Are four bikes too many?

Got bike hungry. Newest member set to arrive on Tuesday next. Color: Ocean. Reason: anniversary present. Excitement: high. Bonus question: is my grammar in the first question correct?

2011-03-14T10:28:00.000-07:00

Except for the fact that I am not migrating, I guess I am becoming a snowbird in my old age because I sure am ready to chase this beautiful spring weather. My bike riding has taken a winter hiatus, but it is time for it to come out of hibernation. I dream of riding with a huge wooden box affixed to a rack at the front of Betsy Ross, and me, cruising over cobblestone streets with the clickty-click of pedaled revolutions and a non-stop smile. I'd fill my box with fresh cut flowers, baguettes and fromage, books from the library, dry cleaning, to do lists, and letters to post. I'd wear cotton skirts that flutter in the wind and a tiny barrette to keep my bangs at bay. I'd ride for hours, stopping only to complete errands, peruse bookshops and thrift stores, and maybe once again to rest on a grassy knoll, break off pieces of crusty bread, and slather them with buttery cheese before devouring the whole loaf. Maybe I'd have a quilt in my basket too, and if I were especially tired, I could spread it out in a sunny spot and lie down. I'd close my eyes and make a game of naming the feeling of contentment enveloping me: peacefullfillment, satis-lovely, wondertastic! Then, the sun-smell, wafting up from the warm earth, would put me to sleep like a lullaby.

Lovely.

2011-03-01T17:42:00.000-08:00

The weather has been just gorgeous. My plan to wear bright colors to entice spring into an appearance has apparently worked wonders. Gosh, I love being surrounded by beautiful mountains and blue blue sky. All feels right with the world on days like today. Just lovely. I've been wearing a smile and sighing a deep deep sigh of satisfaction all day. There is a cake named after days like today :).

P.S. All that was missing was a bike ride. Perhaps tomorrow...

Birthday update

2011-02-25T16:44:00.000-08:00

I want to write a little about my birthday. I took pizza and crazy bread in to work for my coworkers and they were so happy and appreciative. I felt like a hero :). One of my coworkers, Katie S., brought me a ginormous cupcake in a little container with a single birthday candle; it was so cute and delicious. My friend Elizabeth and her daughter Annika made me an awesome polka dot backpack. My BFF sent me a book of short stories written by Grace Paley that I have been loving to read any time I get the chance; she knows me so well! Corinne came in to work and brought me a movie, Escape To Witch Mountain, and half a dozen mini cupcakes from The Chocolate. They were so beautiful and also delicious. I shared a few and ate a few. My family took me to dinner at Wallaby's and I am still deciding on my birthday present from Sean. My visiting teacher, Inge, brought me a movie from the Love Comes Softly series, a tradition she started with me years ago. My mom bought me three pairs of new garments which were much needed and very appreciated. My friend Aubrey (from work) brought me hummus and pita chips on Monday when we cooked together, and today I met my friend Nat for lunch which she treated me to, and on top of that she gave me a beautiful red scarf and some cute polka dot stationary, both of which I love! So, I have been celebrating my birthday for a week. I am so spoiled! Lots of people wished me well on facebook, over the phone, and in person, so I felt/still feel very blessed and very loved. Thank you everyone!

"I want adventure in the great wide somewhere..."

2011-02-23T15:50:00.001-08:00

That Belle was one perceptive chick. Perceptive and right. I have an insatiable wanderlust, and I want that too. I wish I could write about the awesome travels I have taken; I can just imagine them so well, and I guess I could write about them because my mind itself is quite the adventurous place, but I won't go there. I just want to write and say that life is good even if I am not traveling as much as I'd like (read: not at all). I am married to, live with, work with, am friends with, converse with, have given birth to, am related to, am BFFs with, have met and become friends with the most amazing people on the planet. And I am so grateful for that and for you. Everyday is a new adventure in safe/boring Orem, Ut just fifteen miles from where I was born and grew up. I've spent thirty nine years here, you know. That beautiful stark white and slate grey Timpanogos greets me every morning like a faithful friend, and I would miss her if I traveled. I would miss the twinkling lights across our "lake front" view every night and running into a friend at the grocery store once in a while. I take for granted all the familiarity that safe/boring un-quaint Orem affords me. And traveling only sounds so good because I know that when I came back it'd all be here waiting for me. We always want what we haven't got, right? I am determined to appreciate what I HAVE, and I have so much. I don't want to lose it all in order to realize that truth. It's about the now. Now I am well and happy and blessed. Now I am alive and grateful to be so. Now is great. Now is important. Now is enough.

2011-02-17T13:46:00.000-08:00

Today is my last day of being thirty eight. This year (which starts tomorrow) is the last year in my thirties. When I was a little girl, I always hoped I'd die before I had to turn the elderly age of thirty. My wish did not come true. And, thirty wasn't so bad. In fact, my thirties have been pretty great.

What will thirty nine bring? My plans include climbing more mountains, riding my bike as much as possible, being more and more comfortable with myself, knowing my "purpose" in life, watching my baby graduate from high school, deepening important relationships, reading, more writing, lots of thinking, planning, and pondering, inner peace, getting a little closer to becoming a teacher, strengthening my testimony of Jesus Christ, serving more, complaining less, fearing less, feeling satisfied and fulfilled more often, letting the people I love know how much I love them, expressing gratitude for all I have...these are some of the things I desire.

I hope this year I will recognize the opportunity to reach out to others and that I will discover the ability within myself to share all I have been given. My goal for this year is to learn to be selfless and even more happy. Bring on thirty nine!

2011-02-09T09:55:00.000-08:00

Early this morning, I cleaned up three huge and separate incidents of dog barf. Apparently that's what happens when a dog eats a bar of soap. TMI? Deal with it.

2011-02-07T12:17:00.000-08:00

It seems that Drake gets depressed if I don't walk him every day. Due to last week's frigid temperatures and a busy schedule, we only walked on Sunday and Monday. He was laying around letting out giant sighs all weekend, until I finally donned my coat and hat and took him out for a walk last night. Then, he was back to his usual rowdy self. Poor pupper.

2011-02-02T18:57:00.000-08:00

I took Betsy Ross in to the Outdoor Adventure Center at UVU today because my friend Zac said he'd take a look at and/or fix her. A working bicycle is as sure a sign of an early spring as Punxsutawny Phil. It was also JDawg day at UVU. I love a good cross-cut dog with some special sauce, mustard, the world's best pickles, banana peppers, and more mustard. Sky and I meet on Wednesdays for dawg and a chat. I like the way that sounds, like he's all grown up and meets me at college for lunch. Which is true, though a little misleading, because we live in the same house and ride the same bus to the same school almost everyday. Still, I feel petty privileged that he doesn't mind hanging out with his ole' ma in public. I'm surprised he still wanted to go with me this week though as last week when we were in line some jerks cut in and I let them know I didn't appreciate it, but I promised not to do that again this week. Oh, I also got my grocery shopping done today; I store hop, so that takes some doing.

Thanks for your responses blogging world--I love to hear from you. I'll check the 180s out, Cori. Thanks for the tip and your sweet condolences. BFF, I'll work on the picture thang:). Rebekah, you made me laugh! Donna, congratulations! Wish I were in Hawaii too.

Cold.

2011-02-01T13:37:00.001-08:00

It is bitter cold today, and I am not one to mind it, usually. I thought my boogers would freeze this morning. I read that the high today will be 18 degrees which is nothing compared to some places, but the frigid temperatures sure do affect me more than they used to. The bus took like an hour (2 minutes) to get to the stop, so for entertainment, Sean dared me to lick the bus stop pole--which I declined. A Christmas Story and Dumb and Dumber have taught me not to take that dare. I purposely didn't wear a hat so my pompahawk (part pompadour part fauxhawk) would not get smooshed. I shall never be that vain again. I dearly wished for my warm, ear-flapped, stocking hat.

But this post has been all about me, how are you blogging world? We never talk anymore.

counter productivity

2011-01-31T19:57:00.001-08:00

I have been run/walking with Drake and jumping rope afterwards for a few days. Tiring but remarkably fun. I'm sure I don't exert enough energy to burn off the peanut butter bar and slice of cake that I consumed (among other things) today. All well. They were delicious.

2011-01-14T14:06:00.000-08:00

Happy stuff:
Going to see Harry Potter tonight with the boys and Corinne and Javi. Yay!
No class or work on Monday
My brother lent us his car for over a month--so nice
So far my classes are going very well
It's January which means we are getting closer to bike riding weather
I am planning to go on a nice long walk tomorrow morning--I LOVE morning time--it's the best

2011-01-11T15:56:00.001-08:00

It is time for a new, happier post. Coming soon!

2010-12-20T16:19:00.000-08:00

This one's a doosie. It's been on the back burner for weeks and is only being posted now as a tribute to Piper upon the unrecognized encouragement of my BFF after our chat a the B&N today.

I want to write and don't want to write at the same time. I can't say what I need to say without it sounding deficient or empty; plus, writing always seems to solidify truths for me, and I'm deeply afraid of that power. On Friday evening (December 17, 2010), I put my 15 year old Golden Retriever, Piper, to sleep. There are all these clichés about dogs and people, and most of them are actually true, but I don't want to lessen my dog (in writing) to a cliché. Piper was a Savior to me. I rescued her from the pound, and she rescued me from so many other things. I have never had a more faithful or loving friend. She was completely dedicated to me. I will miss her popping her head up on the side of my bed for a pet during the night and her lying outside the bathroom door to wait for me. I will miss her wisdom and gentleness. I will miss her bread-stealing and trash-raiding ways. I will miss her quizzical eyebrow lifting and constant snout-to-arm nudging. I'll miss her white face watching me out the front window. I'll miss her soft eyes and worried expression when I sob uncontrollably, which I only feel comfortable enough to do in front of her. I will miss everything about her. There is nothing more to say.

2010-12-12T20:35:00.000-08:00

There's something about housekeeping that leaves me so unsatisfied. I think it might have something to do with living with three dogs--they ensure that any cleanliness I perform lasts mere seconds, and that just doesn't do it for me. For much of my married life, I've felt like a cultural anomaly; real Mormon women are supposed to like a clean house and to revel in keeping it tidy. I revel in meeting a friend for thrifting or a nice long chat. I revel in long bike rides and an afternoon filled with people I love telling me about their lives. Forget the mountains of laundry. I have tried to tumble my lack of homemaking skills in effort of creating something shiny and polished, but all I'm left with is gravel. It's not that I don't enjoy a clean home, it's more that I think of all the things I could be doing instead. Once, when I was being especially hard on myself, my sister Sandy told me "You are like Mary and always choose the better part." Or was it Martha? I never get them straight. The important thing is that she taught me something--she (and many others) love(s) me for me and see(s) something worthwhile in who I am, despite the dog hair under my couch, and I need to take that to heart. What's ironic is that I am writing this on a night when my house is cleaner than usual, but I've also spent the evening enjoying the better part: dinner with my family followed by watching a movie together. I was side tracked by thinking of my finals tomorrow, but my heart was in the moment, so finals were put to the side for a while.

I don't know what a real Mormon woman is, but maybe she's just a woman who strives to be true to herself and her faith. Maybe she'd come over, take one look at my house, and ask to stay for a cup of tea and some literary criticism.

2010-12-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

I just have to say that God answers prayers. I don't know how to make it without him.

2010-12-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

Hello.
Do you ever have times when you think, "I am going to die because of the stress this assignment/workload/size of a pile of laundry/person who is driving you insane/compounded interest/frustration/city bus filled beyond capacity/never-ending day"?

Me either.

Tomorrow, life will be great again.

Inspiration

2010-12-04T05:40:00.000-08:00

I want my hair to do this swirly thing
(but not the blonde thing)

And this tall thing
(still not blonde though)

And this other wave thing minus the braids
(and the blonde)

Positive vibes

2010-12-02T16:25:00.000-08:00

Good stuff O' the day:
A new German doggie-neighbor-friend for Drakey; his name is Whisper, and they played so well together!
Rode my bike to WinCo for groceries tonight surrounded by gorgeous snow covered mountains and orange hued sky. Lovely.
Found some awesome stocking stuffers, but don't tell because they're a surprise.
Making stir-fry for supper and it smells delicious.
Drank 2 cups of hot yummy tea with honey and half and half.
A productive day at work, and I plan to be equally productive on school stuff tonight.
It's Thursday which means tomorrow is Friday. Is time speeding by, or is it just me?
There's Smashburger on Saturday with Nat to look forward to.
Whit's coming home for Christmas!
Sean and I ride the bus to work together now that Twinkie's gone. It's nice to walk and talk and ride with him. A great way to start the morning.
Friday at work means black T-shirt and no red vest day. You have no idea how happy that makes me.
We started a new Christmas tradition: Christmas movie night once a week. Corinne and Javi came and we all had spaghetti for dinner and watched Home Alone on Tuesday night. So nice to be together.
I like Javi; he is so good for/to Corinne.
I got an A on my Teacher Work Sample! Relief.
The primary kids are doing great on the Christmas song. It is so cute!
We have a Christmas tree and garland laden with twinkle lights at work. This makes me happy.
I had several great tutorials at work today.
I am posting two days in a row; now that's something, right?

Christmas Hope

2010-12-01T05:06:00.000-08:00

There is enough pessimism in the world. If ever a month was made for optimism, it is December. My goal for this month is to be as positive as I can every day, no matter what that day brings. This (early) morning of December 1, 2010 brought me a bad dream. A dream filled with terrible feelings and experiences I faced in my childhood, the effects of which are still vividly real and lasting. But instead of dwelling on the negativity of that dream, I lay in bed thinking about how blessed I am to be free of those feelings and to live in a home and with a family that I love so dearly and feel so loved by. I thought of the Savior and how well he knows my pain and suffering, and how he has taken my burdens upon Himself that I might feel happy and free. Because of Him, my dream was just a dream; it is not my reality anymore. And, it taught me something important: I never want to make others feel as I felt in my dream. This morning I realized that I have much to improve upon, much to be forgiven of, much to be grateful for, and today is the day I begin to work on that.

Time keeps on slippin slippin slippin

2010-11-16T22:16:00.000-08:00

I'm currently working on a hugely important project (key assignment) for my curriculum class which is due tomorrow, and I finally think I am nearly finished. Just in time to begin working on the next one. Oh well. I did it and did it well. I think.
Oh! And please pray for my little Corinne who has a TERRIBLE infection from a bad tooth. She is swollen up so bad that they can't work on it until Monday. She is on antibiotics and should be on the mend soon, but she's had a couple scary/tiring/and painful days/nights. We'd much appreciate your positive thoughts and prayers. Thank you!
Double Oh! And a shout out to my Skyler who turned 19 years old today. Love you, Sky!

2010-11-05T14:50:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived. More than survived; it was fun and I learned a LOT. Teachers have to do/be aware of so much at once. I never really thought about it much before, but they really do. I really want the kids I teach to love the material as much as I do, and I am not quite sure how to ensure that love for English happens. They (9th graders) were smart and insightful and gave great comments when I could hear them over the din of the classroom. You've gotta keep their attention at all times and learning/applying that technique will be the trick. But I did it; I taught one period of 9th grade English and I still want to be a teacher. And that's something.

Beat the odds

2010-11-04T21:57:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, my teaching skills will be put to the test. Me and Shakespeare against a classroom of thirty-three 9th graders. Place your bets.

BFF,

2010-10-24T17:35:00.000-07:00

I miss you.

I do exist

2010-10-06T19:58:00.000-07:00

Hello bloggerland,
I am way to busy (Or perhaps too cool? Nah.) to blog it seems. Life is good. I am happy and healthy. I have a job that I love, and although I'd like to have a "real" job someday, this one is real enough to keep me hoppin'. School is amazing; I love learning. I love the people I meet. I love my professors. I think I could go to school forever. Incredibly enough, I also love my calling as Primary chorister, and I must say that our annual program ROCKED. We should have sold tickets. Those kids sang so good and did their parts so well that it was truly beautiful. Truly. I purchased a bike today. This brings my grand total up to three. Too many? I think not. And I used to scoff when Sean said he wanted/needed two bikes; he was so right and I was so wrong to have ever doubted the necessity. Can you say obsessed? She is another vintage bike and quite resembles Second-best Silver Sister, er...Second-hand silver sister (just in case Whitney Beth is reading this post) and her name shall be Betsy Ross. Betsy's name came from the lady I bought her from which is an interesting side story. Humor me? Skyler went to Uncle Sam's army/navy surplus store to find him some fingerless gloves. The lady who owns the place saw the bike he rode (which happened to be Second-best Silver Sister herself because his own bike had a flat) and she showed him Betsy to see if he would be interested in purchasing her. Sky called me and we made plans to go see her after work. I've been on the look out for a bike with internal gears to ride in the wintertime so the mechanisms won't get all messed up, and lo and behold, Betsy came into my life. Right time, right place--the owner, Danni, gave me a ride with my bike(s) in the back of the truck to the credit union for payment and then all the way to my house; how cool is that?--and the right price forty-five buckaroos! So, like I said, life is GOOD. So good. Hope yours is too.

2010-09-19T17:52:00.000-07:00

Today marks the third anniversary of my brother Nathan's death. There is still so much that is unfinished and unresolved as far as our relationship is concerned, and I don't really know if it ever can/will be. It was complicated to say the least. I think the definition of sibling rivalry may have been formed by studying the two of us. However, I believe in the concept of hope, and maybe I can start to mend things by writing letters to him and opening up a one-sided dialogue. I just feel that so many things and people defined the identity of our relationship, that even if we had wanted to change, we didn't have the means or the power to do so. That identity was bigger than we were. Beaner died, but the shadow of that identity lives on. I am eclipsed in its darkness, and I must find the courage to edge out into the light.

2010-09-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

I finally did it--actually, my sister and I did. Yesterday, we summitted Timp! (Cue those long horn thingys that a paige uses to herald kings.) We hiked from the Timpanookee side this time, and although I was worried it wouldn't be as pretty as the Aspen side, Skyler was right, and it was very scenic and beautiful, especially with the fall colors beginning to pop. And because the Timpanookee side isn't as steep, as an added bonus, I am not nearly as sore today as I was last time. My friend, Linda, has my camera (Yay! I didn't lose it.), so I don't have any pictures to post until Sandy sends me copies of the ones she took, including one of us next to the little shack on top. Can't wait to post that as my profile picture on facebook. Summitting was RAD, people--I have a real (and surreal) sense of accomplishment, and Sandy and I both found both the journey and the summitting to be metaphors for the journey of life and the obstacles we face along the way. Everything we face is mind over matter.

E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.

You can do hard things. Every one of you can; I truly believe that.

2010-09-02T20:26:00.000-07:00

Bike news report:
My chain broke on my mixtie (the bike pictured on my blog header) on the way home from Sunflower Market last week. Rode the bus home with said broken bike, stopped in and ordered a chain from SBR which hasn't come in yet. Meanwhile, I am riding my other bike which no longer has any baskets on it because I transferred one to the mixtie and the other--my favorite, an old chrome rack with a coke crate fastened on top--had become so rickety I had to dismantle it :(. Too many overloaded grocery trips, I suppose. Still, I love riding, but baskets sure make shopping by bike lots easier and much more convenient. I downloaded plans for making a basket with a 5 gallon square bucket, but I don't have time to put it together...some day though. Some day! My boys were good sports and attended the Chain ring tour/Bike extravaganza with me at the Provo library Tuesday night--learned some stuff about bike culture in Portland and met some cool people in a room that reeked like an onion brewery (if such a thing exists). Yuck. Yet, it is highly likely that my armpits contributed to that smell. Presented on living a less-car life for the forum I am a member of last night, and it went quite swimmingly! I followed the rough outline I put together, but we had more of a discussion than a lecture which is what I had aspired to/hoped for. The women in my chapter are so cool and they asked lots of great questions about my project and seemed truly interested and inspired by what I presented, which in turn, made me feel awesome. I love this group, and my friend Shannon (who is a genius) for creating it. Looking forward to a long weekend with my fam and hopefully getting some projects done and thrift stores visited. I've misplaced my camera, but if/when I find it, I have a few posts up my sleeve. Also, T minus 8 days till I attempt to summit Mt. Timp again :).

More of the magnificent

2010-08-12T06:22:00.000-07:00

Looking up the Aspen side trail...

Sundance is nestled down there somewhere...

One of many waterfall crossings

Heber Valley (in the background)--that tiny looking strip of water is part of
Deer Creek Reservoir

Takes my breath away!

The crest of the first part of the journey

I love that solitary cloud!

The second leg...

Snow bridge

Heber Valley view

Emerald Lake
As far as 3/4 of the group went--crazy fools!
They missed this...

Looking north on the saddle.
Storm's a comin'...part of the reason I didn't summit...

Utah Lake and Valley from the saddle
Skyler says the view from the (tippy) top is even better because you can see 360 degrees!

I am hiking it again in September. Hoping to Summit next time!

I made it to the saddle!

2010-08-08T11:40:00.000-07:00

It was magnificent!
More to come...

2010-08-05T05:45:00.000-07:00

This Saturday, I will be attempting something that has been 20 years in the making.
A few months after I had Corinne (Did I mention that was twenty years ago?), Sean and I had the chance to hike Mount Timpanogos with my dad, his brother, and I can't remember who else. Somewhere, I have a picture documenting the attempt with a youthful me making a sandwhich on the side of said mountain. Sadly, we never summited. Didn't even make it to Emerald Lake. Dad and his brother were listening to the BYU game on the transistor radio, and when they lost reception, we went home. I have been saying I want to go back ever since, but Saturday my words will turn into actions, and By George, I WILL summit! I've invited myself to go with the scouts in our ward, which include my own boys. My boys say I'll slow everyone down, but I am going anyway. I don't want the hiking of Timp to continue to be one of those things I've always wanted to do but never did. Do you have those things? Mine are like a bitter pile of laundry that stares with contempt every time I come into the room. I am digging into that pile and grabbing the dirtiest dirty shirt, and I will wash that shirt and wear it to the top of Timp.

2010-08-02T10:05:00.000-07:00

Hey!
I am conducting some research on urban biking/practical biking/the car-less lifestyle etc.--do you readers have any good ideas? Know of people who are doing the same thing as us? Know of any good books/blogs/websites on the subject? I'd love your input.

Meanwhile, check this site out; it's awesome!

2010-07-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

I am SO happy! I found out today that I have banked enough working hours in the last 6 months at UVU to pay for 6 credits of classes this fall. That means both of my classes and all of my fees are PAID for! Yippee! Happy dance, everybody.

2010-07-27T02:03:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep, so I might as well blog. I've thought about writing a post for some time, and it's the thought that counts, right? Here are things I want to write about: riding bikes everywhere is awesome--Sean and I figure we've ridden about 350 miles in the last 30 days! The boys have probably ridden even more than that as they are still young and spry and rode to Springville and back one day a few weeks ago. Speaking of Springville, on Saturday the whole fam, Corinne included, rode to a Pioneer celebratory BBQ at my parents' house. It was fun, and surprisingly, not hard at all. Just very hot. As a nice side effect of riding, Sean is looking great, and losing weight and gaining muscle like crazy. I, on the other hand, have an interesting tan line from my lower calf where I roll my pants up to down to my toes. People's reactions to us riding everywhere vary from shock, to pity, to interest, to, dare I say, admiration? I love it--the riding and the reactions--and I have been thinking about how many other things I am dependent on in my life that I can let go of or change. Our garden is looking fruitful and bounteous. We've already harvested a few ripe tomatoes, zucchini, and lovely red onions. The promise of green and purple pole beans, crookneck squash, a variety of tomatoes (including green zebras), blue potatoes, and peppers greets us when we open the gate and take stock of what's to come. We grill (steam) packets of veggies in tinfoil and cook the leftovers into delectable frittatas. I highly recommend doing that, and I'm not even a big fan of eggs. The summer is progressing and the fall brings three of us back to college (me--continuing work on a teaching certificate, Sean--beginning work on a BFA in photography, and Corinne--working on a BA of English as a segway into linguistics), one to his senior year of high school (Forrest! Can you believe it? My baby...), and one preparing to put in his mission papers (Skyler!). I love fall and look forward to riding further when/as the weather cools. Shockingly, I am now feeling tired and I shall take advantage of that feeling by trying to sleep. G' night all!

What do people do when both of their vehicles break down?

2010-06-30T12:41:00.000-07:00

They ride bikes! That's what. Remember that saying "Necessity is the mother of invention"? Well, it is true because I (we) never knew how little we actually needed a car until they both broke down, one right after the other a few weeks ago, like dominoes. But it's awesome--I love the feeling of being dependent only upon pedal power; it's pretty darn cool. I imagine that this must be what it feels like to be completely off of the grid. No more checks to the utility company. No more gas guzzling vehicles. If only Utah drivers cared about bikers and pedestrians, all the world would be humming along together in harmony as I ride off into the sunset on my bike.

2010-06-29T16:44:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I made my favorite for lunch--special tuna. It takes a regular tuna fish sandwich to the next level. I add grated cheese, grated carrot, relish, mustard, garlic, mayo, a good shake of Mrs. Dash, and voila: special tuna. I love to put potato chips on my tuna fish sandwich (the chip of choice being Lay's regular) and to eat it on hearty wheat bread like Killer Dave's, but today I ate mine on an Earth Grains thin bun. So good.

Old dogs, new tricks

2010-06-23T09:51:00.000-07:00

I admit that, at times, I am outspoken. At times of course meaning most of the time :). That being said, I have been stewing over a situation at work for a while, and today, I finally decided to do something about it. First, you should be impressed that I thought about saying something before I actually said something because that, my friends, shows maturity. Second, I was carefull in my approach, which took some hard won self-discipline. Again, you should be impressed. And third, my not saying anything would have had a significantly more negative effect on a greater number of people than my speaking had on the one person I spoke to. There I go again, saving the world--one person at a time. This may sound rather kryptic, and it sort of is--on purpose. It's just a sticky sort of situation where a (male) person who is considerably older than me, and who also at the same time knows a lot less than me about certain tutoring procedures, practices, and techniques needed to be schooled for the benefit of the students who could potentually have him as their tutor in the future. Therefore, I took the responsibility of teaching him upon myself.

A story to justify my actions: when I was a brand-new tutor it was a requirement to be observed by a seasoned tutor for several tutorials before being pushed out of the nest. After one such observation, I asked the seasoned tutor what he thought of my tutoring skills, and he asked if I really wanted to know, to which I affirmed that I did. Then, he gave it to me straight, and although it was a little painfull, I was able to take his (constructive) criticism to heart and make some necessary and helpful changes. As a result, I am a much better tutor today, and that seasoned tutor saved me years of trial and error by sharing his honest opinion about my tutoring abilities or lack thereof. My intent was to do the same for this "new" tutor.
Good justification? I think so...the rest is up to him.

2010-06-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

Turns out, just preparing to be a pioneer is hard work. I don't dare to imagine how the actual reenactment is going to be...

2010-06-02T13:37:00.000-07:00

I want to write to express my thanks to God for always helping things to work out. I often think I can do things on my own, and I can do an OK job by myself, but when I ask God to help me out, things always turn out to be spectacular. I am sharing this not because something BIG and spectacular has happened (rather, a passel of small yet spectacular things), but to confess that sometimes I'm a doubter; sometimes, especially in desperate circumstances, I am even brazen enough to think "What more could God do that I haven't done?" Also, I am not the most patient person when it comes to getting things done. I want them done now, if not yesterday, and that attitude is partly to blame for me being a doubter--if I don't see it happening, it ain't happening. Yes, I said ain't. Moving on. I have found that with God, he has his own way of doing things (much of which I can't see happening at all), and I have learned that patience IS a requirement if you want a relationship with him and that you WILL see (some pretty awesome) results if you are patient. I don't know why it's taken me so long to learn this, but I am so glad that I have. Go with God! :)

2010-05-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Something cool:
On Saturday, Skyler's Lacrosse team took state! :)

Something not cool:
Yesterday, the clutch went out in the truck. :(

Something indulgent:
I am going to get a manicure at the beauty college tomorrow.
Only three buckaroos! :)

Something of note:
Sean and I rode our bikes to work "together" three times this week. :)

Something neat:
Forrest is learning to drive a stick shift and is picking it up very well. :)

Something not so neat:
He also happened to be the one the clutch gave out on. Poor kid! :(

Something yummy:
Spring rolls for supper! :)

Something satisfying:
No, not a Snickers bar. We planted most of our vegetable garden on Monday! Yay! :)

That is all for now.

For Mom

2010-05-09T19:14:00.000-07:00

I just want to say how grateful I am for mothers and for the opportunity I have been given to be a mother. It is the best and hardest job I will ever have or have ever had. Motherhood is also a whole new ball game the older my kids get, but I still have the best kids in the whole world and I know it. They are wonderful and I love them so much that it really does hurt sometimes. Thank you to all you women out there who have mothered my kids from time to time in one way or another. I am grateful for your help and love and so are my kids--whether they'd admit it or not. I know some moms don't like mother's day because it is never as perfect as it's supposed to be, but I love it because I think it's like Christmas in a way--yes, it can be very commercialized, but you get out of it exactly what you put in to it--simplify and remember the reason for the season (or the day, if you will) and show your gratitude for all the wonderful mothers in the world. I am grateful for my own mother who has made so many personal sacrifices for me to have a home--something that she never had herself as a child. I think about her little three year old person being sent to an orphanage, and my heart breaks for that little girl--such a brave little girl who then became an even braver mother of eight children. The eight of us are lucky to have benefited from all of her love and teaching, but sadly, it has taken me being a mom myself and going through a fraction of what she has gone through with us kids to help me realize how harshly I've judged her at times, how wrong I have been about so many things, and how much I want to be for my kids what she has always been for me: continually willing to forgive me any offense and to give me the love that I demand no matter what I have put her through. Here is to mothers: may all of us children in this world express our gratitude, love, admiration, and appreciation for our mothers every day of our lives.

Finals week

2010-04-29T04:52:00.000-07:00

Good Morning!
I have been such a blocker (blog+slacker), and it's all because 2 years post graduation finals are taking a worse toll on me than I ever remember. Perhaps it is only because I am older, or the fact that my old procrastinator-ly ways had lain dormant, but were coiled, flexed, and ready to spring into action once again, or maybe I just blocked the "true" memories of the final weeks of school because who needs to remember? Anyways, one down (ed psych, yesterday) and one to go (methods in teaching literacy, today). Yesterday's test was a scratch off test. Have you ever heard of such a thing? It nearly gave me a heart attack. The matching and short answer portion were to be hand written, but the multiple choice section (30 questions) was scratch off. I guess the "good" part was that you had 3 chances to get points--scratch off the first choice box, uncovering the star, and get full points (3), but scratch off the first choice box and see nothing? Try again for 2 points. Don't see the star on your second try? Scratch off the 3rd choice box, find the star, and you get 1 point. The trickiest thing about that illusive star was that it could show up anywhere in the box--the right, middle, or left portion of it, so if I knew I chose the correct answer on the first try, but as I began to scratch off the box and no star was being revealed, I pretty much quit breathing until, at the end of uncovering the complete box, there it was. That blankety-blank star. In retrospect, much like a roller coaster ride, I am glad I had the experience, but I am lucky to be alive, and I hope to never have to take that ride again. It's definitely something to brag to your friends about though. Today's test will be much more tame and pale in comparison.

Saturday, as a reward I am greatly looking forward to, I am attending the annual rummage sale at Wasatch Elementary in Provo. I can't believe I am actually divulging its location. You are one lucky reader, and you'd better not tell anyone. Einstein bagels and thrifting on an early Saturday morning. What better holiday tradition could anyone ask for? Can't wait.

Time to shower and study for my next and final, final. But not at the same time.

The wind is not blowing anymore, and I don't see any snow, so I am riding my bike to school again. Did I mention that Sean got me a mixte, so now I have 2 bikes? I am spoiled. I still love second hand silver sister dearly, but she is old and extremely heavy (like unto me), and she doesn't do hills well. Yet to be named mixte is a genius at hills, and she is light and free as the wind (as I hope I to be someday). Happy trails!

P.S. Thanks for the nice comments on my last post!

2010-04-13T14:04:00.000-07:00

I've felt kind of sad and down today; well, over the past few days actually. A few reasons why: I miss my daughter tremendously, and I don't know how to reach out to her. I have a LOT of homework, and although I've been doing incredibly well this semester, I am starting to doubt my abilities to keep doing well--mostly, I just need an attitude adjustment today. My anxiety is getting the better of me, and it's my own fault because I haven't been doing the maintenance necessary to keep it at bay. Must do list: journaling, scripture, prayer, music, positive thoughts. Oh, the power of positive thinking. It is real, people. My agenda: Pandora radio--Frank Sinatra station, 10-15 minutes (3 pages) of free write journal time, to pet my three puppies, pour my heart out in prayer, read something inspirational/uplifting, and then, to get going on the mountain of homework--one assent (assignment) at a time. I've so much to be grateful for, so much to live for, so much to be happy about.
This week's highlight: Sitting in the chapel waiting for Sacrament meeting to start and being tapped on the shoulder only to turn around and see my beautiful friend JoLynn and her equally beautiful little girl Savannah! JoLynn, you are like a tall glass of ice water on a dry and sweltering August day.

2010-04-03T18:59:00.000-07:00

Hello peeps,
I've neglected you. So sorry. Do you ever just think your life is too ordinary to blog about? Because I do; I mean mine of course, not yours. The Utah weather is playin' tricks as usual, but I have got a couple bike riding errand doing trips in and I'm looking forward to lots more, hopefully sooner rather than later. It's getting close to the end of the semester, and I can hardly believe it. I've picked up quite a few private tutoring gigs of late, and that combined with my regular job(s) at the Writing Center, classes, family, and regular life, all that stuff is keeping me pretty busy. Tomorrow is Easter and we are going to my parents to celebrate and break bread together. Well, rolls. Rolls I plan on making in the morning. In addition to dinner rolls, I am going to make some "empty tomb" rolls that my friend Sariah taught me about. So, you basically use regular roll dough (or Rhodes), but you grab a small glob and wrap it around a marshmellow that has been dipped in melted butter and rolled in cinnamon sugar, and then when you bake them, they hold their round roll shape, but when you bite into the roll it is 1. Yes, very delicious, but 2. Also hollow inside like the Savior's tomb on Easter Sunday. You should try it out and see for yourself.

2010-03-12T16:57:00.000-08:00

In the fall of 2006, I met an amazing woman, and she became one of my very best friends. In the spring of 2008, just before I graduated from college, her husband was laid off and the company paid for them to move to North Carolina so they could at least be closer to family. I cried. I felt so sad. I asked God about the fact that ALL my favorite friends ALWAYS move away. She had taught me so much and had made a home in my heart; it was so hard to understand why she had to leave. Later that summer, they moved to Georgia, and in the summer of 2009, they moved to Ohio. During all the transition time, we chatted on facebook and talked on the phone as often as we could. It is now the spring of 2010, and my soulful friend is moving to California. Yesterday, I got to see her in person! We arranged to meet at Starbucks. I pulled my Volvo into a parking space, grabbed my bag, and locked my doors. As I turned around, I heard my name, and there she was running toward me with a huge smile on her face. We hugged and cried and said we never wanted to let go. After Starbucks, she asked me to follow her and her husband to their hotel in Sandy. I did, and we talked until the latest I dared to stay and still be able to get up for work this morning. Last night, on the way home, I thanked God for all the friends he has ever placed in my life. I thanked him for hand picking the best people and giving them to me, like presents, to have for friends. I thanked him for being patient with me and for understanding how much it hurts me when distance of any kind comes between me and a friend. I thanked him for showing me he loves me by bringing Rebecca to Utah in the fall of 2006, and again in the spring of 2010.

happenings

2010-03-05T15:40:00.000-08:00

I went to a cool conference today called "Stand Up for Shakespeare". It was all about making Shakespeare accessible and fun for jr. high and high school students. I got to: hang out with awesome fellow students and incredible former students who are now teachers, eat yummy food, be instructed by brilliant professors in four different workshops, apply what I/we learned in class, catch up with alumni, and have an over-all great time. I am psyched/scared to teach!

Tomorrows to do list:
Sleep in (which for me means til 8am)
Take Drake in for a much needed haircut
Tend baby Jada
Get exercise of some sort
Clean house
Prepare for singing time
Do homework
Nap?

2010-02-23T15:09:00.000-08:00

Last night as I was doing homework, I took a break and went to youtube to find some good classical music to relax and work by. I could not for the life of me find a PLAYLIST of classical music, except for ten second clips of pieces which was very annoying. I desperately want to hear a mix of good stuff. Suggestions?

Birthday

2010-02-18T04:37:00.000-08:00

Today (some of this birthday post is post script) I am turning 38. Thirty eight! I cannot even tell you how weird that sounds and feels...I feel older and younger than that all at the same time. It's so very strange.
Continuing in past birthday fashion, 38 things of note I'd like to share:
38. A student (extra credit: should I use who or whom here?) I helped with writing her grad school personal statement back in October came to me at work yesterday to show me her acceptance letter! I am so proud of and happy for her!
37. My niece and her husband took us out for dinner to Chili's last night and we had a great time. Thanks guys!
36. Sean and I have started exercising together and I really love it. It's so good to work on goals with someone you love--very satisfying too.
35. I love taking classes and earning good marks on my work; it's fun and rewarding.
34. At parent teacher conference yesterday, two of Forrest's teachers said really nice and positive things about him and his performance/abilities in class. I love that boy and know how bright he is, and it's just nice to hear positive feedback from teachers who concur.
33. Corinne visited me at work yesterday to bring me a beautiful hand made birthday card and an adorable doggie brooch (I collect brooches). Thanks Rin! I love you.
32. Skyler has a 3.9 GPA so far this term at Timpanogos HS. Way to go Sky!
31. I am surrounded by amazing friends and family; I love you ALL!
30. I am so happy to be alive.
29. I can't wait to see my friend Rebecca in a few weeks, and perhaps go on an exciting adventure with my other friend Rebekah this spring. Rebecca/Rebekah (s) are the best.
28. Can't wait to go to lunch with and then a Great Day of Thrift with my friend Cheryl in SLC tomorrow. She likes ethnic food as much as I do!
27. Before going to lunch tomorrow, I also can't wait to observe another friend, Meghan, who is an English teacher at a middle school for one of my assignments. She is a hoot; it's going to be a fun day!
26. Forrest is going on his first date this Saturday; he got asked to Preference :). So cute and sad! My baby is all grown up...boo hoo!
25. I love my job.
24. I love helping people write.
23. I love that I had three birthday phone messages from people I love waiting for me when I got home from work today. Thank you Sandy, Rusty, and Whitney! You guys made my day. Love you!
22. Took Forrest shopping for new duds in preparation for Saturday's dance. We had a good time finding everything he needed.
21. This is how many years old I was when I had my third (last) baby. Can you believe it?
20. Cafe Rio for family birthday dinner last night. I had a salad with a wheat tortilla, chicken, and tomatillo ranch; it was SO delicious! Also, I am loving cilantro more and more the older I get:). Also this is the number of years Sean and I will have been married as of March 3rd. Love you babe!
19. The age I was when I had my second baby. So young, right? Double this number and that is how old I am today.
18. The age I was when I had my first baby. Woah. Need I say more?
17. The number thrift stores I want to visit today.
16. The number of foreign countries I would like to visit. Just kidding! I've never counted, but the number is likely to be much higher than this.
15. We ran/walked three miles in the dark at the track around the hospital last night. Fun!
14. Dollar oatmeal Wednesdays at Jamba Juice. Get some!
13. I can't wait to plant a garden and eat home grown veggies.
12. I want spring to come so I can ride my bike. I love winter, but I miss bike rides.
11. I love my doggies.
10. English cucumbers. I recently discovered their deliciousness; totally worth the price of three mediocre cucumbers.
9. Crusty French bread with Brie.
8. Grape tomatoes. Or even better, yellow pear tomatoes from my garden in the summer!
7. Beets. I love 'em.
6. Clean sheets and blankets.
5. Meyer's Clean Day cleaning supplies. I'm a new convert. Did you know you can find it at TJ MAX?
4. Meeting new people.
3. Rosemary and Thyme--the British mystery series. It could totally be me and my sister Sandy. She would be the cute one.
2. Masterpiece Theater
1. Cool pens. My friend Nat has totally hooked me up of late--thanks Nat!

I am very happy to be alive and kicking at the ripe OLD age of thirty eight. Here's to another wonderful year and making the most of all that comes my way. Happy Birthday to me :).

Things I want to do

2010-02-03T12:01:00.000-08:00

I think I want to be an English teacher.

I was officially accepted into UVU's Secondary Education program (post bac) in October 2009; now, all I need is 30 credits for the certification. I am taking my first two classes as we speak, and (surprisingly enough) I really like them. I have observed two high school English teachers so far--one was fabulous, and the other was not so much. I really, really, really want to be a fabulous teacher, but my greatest fear is that I'll be the not so much type. I am scared, but excited too. I have so much to learn before I ever set foot in the classroom (as a teacher that is), so maybe I shouldn't worry so much just yet. My desire to teach stems from experiences I had in Jr. high and high school English classes; I had some pretty amazing teachers who inspired and believed in me, and I want to do that for other kids someday (relatively soon). Do you have a favorite teacher? If so, who is/was it? And why? What makes a teacher great? Or not? Discuss.

2010-01-20T08:04:00.000-08:00

Happy things of yesterday:
An A on my paper
A walk with friends (and Drake)
A cool plan for Sky's Eagle Court of Honor
A town meeting
A friendship opportunity
A great family
A lot of silly dogs
A warm bed
A good night's sleep

Yummy breakfast

2010-01-19T06:06:00.000-08:00

Steel cut oats, water, and a crock pot. Cook on very low temperature over night. Spoon into bowl. Add brown sugar and dried cranberries. Sigh deeply with contentment. After eating of course...

Things I want to do

2010-01-14T19:12:00.000-08:00

This will be a list I keep adding to; there are just so many cool things in this world that once I learn about them I want to have the experience.

1. 2 years ago, when I first started working at the writing center, I tutored this incredible Korean woman (Hae Kyung) who had come to America with her two children to learn English while her husband stayed and worked in Korea. At first she'd just bring in all these fliers and papers from her childrens' school and I'd try to explain and help her understand what they meant. She came in nearly every day, and she quickly became a favorite with all the tutors. We met together many times, and I learned so much from her about life and her culture. Soon she was comprehending really well, and we had discussions on any topic you can think of. This November, just before Hae Kyung returned to Korea, she taught me about bath houses or "jjimjilbang", and they sound awesome. Men and women have separate bath and shower facilities, and then they are given these pajamas (kind of like scrubs) to wear so they can meet each other in the joint parts of the facility, like the sauna, movie room, or the cafeteria. In Korea, bath houses are a family outing. They have all these different kinds of baths to soak in, and you scrub your body down and shower off before getting in. It just sounds divine to me, and I can't really explain why--it's a conglomeration of reasons--but I want to go to Korea and try it out before I die. Most importantly, I hope I have the chance to see Hae Kyung again when I am there.

2010-01-13T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last night Zumba was filled to beyond capacity, so feeling very claustrophobic as women kept filing in and in and in, I packed up my stuff, drove home, and made a chocolate shake.

Things I have learned

2010-01-12T17:28:00.000-08:00

Where to begin? I was going to limit this post to things I learned in the last year, but instead I think I'll post some of my best lessons I've ever learned because maybe sharing wisdom will help to increase it...
1. You are NEVER too old to do what you've always dreamed of doing. Whatever it is, make a goal and start working towards that dream RIGHT NOW. Just DO it.
2. Always work to keep your side of the street clean. Don't worry about the other side. This lesson was a long time coming...I always worry about that other side, but I'm learning that it is not my responsibility. I need to let things go. Besides trespassing is against the law.
3. Tell the people in your life that you love them and are grateful for them every chance you get. There cannot ever be enough of that in the world. Don't miss out on the chance to express how you feel because you'll regret it forever after. I promise.
4. Forgive easily. Love is a gift; give it as often as you can.
5. Look for opportunities to serve others.
6. Be thankful, especially to God.
7. Accept people for who they are; do not try to change them--just love them.
8. Don't be afraid to try (good) new things. Be brave!
9. When you feel impressed to compliment someone, DO it. If you feel impressed to criticize--RESIST.
10. Laugh. A lot. At yourself and others, but never with the intent to hurt feelings, but instead because it helps to laugh about stuff.
11. Stand up for yourself and what you believe in with dignity and conviction--not anger and hate.

Things I am grateful for, things I have learned, things I want to do...

2010-01-01T07:36:00.000-08:00

I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions because they are such "Pie crust promises" as Mary Poppins says "easily made and easily broken." I feel like I've said that before...but I especially don't like all the guilt and self-degradation that come after resolutions are cast aside. I want to focus instead on the things I am grateful for and the things I have learned about myself in the last year and then integrate it with the things I want to do (my goals and purpose(s)) in the year of our Lord 2010.
My vision is that this will come together as a three part installment of postings.

Part One...
Things I am grateful for:
#1 My family.
Sean and I will celebrate our twentieth anniversary this year. When I think back to specific times and specific years, it's almost as if someone else lived my life during that time because I just can't believe I (we) lived through it. Nothing too terrible mind you, but there were things I thought I could/would never do, that I did, and I know I was better able to survive because my best friend was right there navigating through it all with me. I am sure that 20 years ago there were many who speculated about the odds of such a couple making it, and maybe we aren't out of the woods yet (is any marriage ever out of the woods?), but we have come so far and I am so proud of my husband and so grateful to him for always being there for me. We may have beat the odds, but that isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is that we have learned some stuff about ourselves and about each other, and that we love each other better because of it. I am a lucky girl; I love my SMB.

Corinne is nineteen, amazing, beautiful, smart, and adventurous. She was born to teach me, and I think, although I am resistant at times, that I am finally learning. She has been through and done a lot this past year, and she has shown me that I must let go and let her be independent. A messy break at first, but a very necessary and important one. I know Corinne can and will do anything she sets her heart and mind to. She is not afraid to try, and that amazes me. I am petrified to try because I see my potential mistakes as failures--but Corinne, always wise beyond her years, understands that without continual trial, it's not failure you risk, but rather success. Fly, my little fledgling, fly.

Skyler is eighteen, level headed, and a chick magnet. What a combo. He was such a worry-wart as a little kid. He feared lots of things, and I spent a good amount of time trying to squelch those fears. Then, in 1999, one infamous tornado touched down in SLC and ruined 8 years of credibility in 14 minutes flat, and it's all been downhill from there :). Sky likes bikes and sports and he's got senior-itis bad, but like his Eagle, he's gonna finish. It's weird to think that a year from now he could be in the MTC.

Forrest is sixteen, 6' 2", scrappy, handsome, and clever to beat the band. He can solve a Rubik's cube in a minute and a half, but somehow can't seem to remember to turn his homework in. He's growing out his Jedi braid and honing in on the power of the force. In a few weeks he'll be learning to drive, so the force will come in handy. He and Skyler both got new bikes for Christmas (Forrest's is a fixed gear), and he became our resident tune-up specialist this past summer. He'd love to work in bike shop, so if you've got connections, hook him up!

Being a mom to coming of age kids is hard. And for me, knowing how to let go is very, very, hard. I am not so good at it. But, my kids are the greatest in the world, and that must be what makes it so hard. Hopefully, I haven't done too much damage. Fingers crossed.

I've spent hours and hours writing and pondering this post, and I am grateful for so much, but nothing means more to me than my family so I'll sum the other stuff up; I am also grateful for: all other family, friends, the gospel, our jobs, house, cars, health, everything that works and I take for granted, food, peace, safety, the opportunity to learn, dogs, thrift stores, books, libraries, snow, boots, the seasons, and fun.

The end of installment #1.

Waiting

2009-12-13T06:19:00.000-08:00

Some days are longer than twenty-four hours
Like the day before you were born.
And the day after, when you stayed
but I was sent home.

Tomorrow when I wrap my arms around you,
it will be like the first time, filled with tears
and a love for you so heavy it weighs me down
like gravity

My subconscious, standing vigil,
trumpets me awake
to remind of your coming.
But I don't need reminding

This time, your hands will be strong and capable
your wisdom, markedly grown.
Eternity is the twenty four hours (plus)
before you will be coming home