Dig.

Guess what is not easy? Teaching seventh grade. Surprised? There are several reasons that I was. Having worked at the Writing Center for the last four and a half years, I thought I had a pretty good handle on teaching. I've had a wealth of experiences; I've honed my tutoring skills; I think of tutoring as an art, and I feel that I connect well with students and can anticipate their needs and come up with relevant examples and diverse ways to help them connect with and really understand the concepts I am teaching, with relative ease, oh, probably 90% of the time. I'd say, as a tutor, I am pretty much at the top of my game--with the stipulation that there is always more to learn and that each tutoring experience is unique and deserves to be tailored to several important expectations (the student's, the Writing Center's, mine, and so on). I knew teaching seventh grade would be different, but I did not anticipate HOW different it would be. The confidence that experience brings is lacking, of course, because I am a brand new teacher, freshly turned out and expecting (hoping) book learning will have greater relevance and application in the classroom than it actually does. I set ridiculous and unachievable goals for myself at times, especially when trying something new. Somehow the idea has been planted in my head that getting something right the first time--no matter how complex--equals success, and anything less--say, taking two or more tries, or heaven forbid, several, to get right--equates failure. My brain knows the expectation to get it "right" the first time is not very logical, yet something inside of me says I should be able to do it anyway. What a paradox, right? Anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is that teaching seventh grade English is especially challenging, and I am not at the top of my game or even close, yet I EXPECT myself to be. To be fair, I also feel pressure from my cooperating teacher, my university supervisor, and the course guidelines to get teaching right the first time. In facing my current predicament, I can't help but think of something my fiction professor said (with a slight word change to be more appropriate for the blog) in relation to writing and how much crap it takes to get to the "good" stuff: "Somewhere under all that crap is a pony." That is where I am in my teaching experience--BURIED under all of the crap--and everyday I dig myself out a little more. This is not to say that there aren't parts, moments, of teaching that I really enjoy, because there definitely are. It's just that shoveling crap for a living is backbreaking, physically and emotionally taxing work, but I am sure, when it's all cleaned up, it is rewarding work as well. Just keep digging. Just keep digging. Key the dwarves' song from Snow White ala done in the style of my brother Mikey and his lovely wife Melissa singing a duet: We dig, dig, dig, dig; dig, dig, dig, dig; in our mine the whole day throuuugh ; to dig, dig, dig, dig; dig, dig, dig dig; is what we really like to doooo. (These next lyrics I found particularly pertinent and timely for my situation and future career) It ain't no trick to get RICH quick if you dig, dig, dig with a shovel or a pick. In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! In a mine! Where a million diamonds--well timed pause--Shine! There are more verses, but I think you get the point. I aim to eventually get to the top of my teaching game, and I vow to be patient with myself as I dig my way there. Someday in the future, I'll ride my newly discovered pony off into the sunset.