Friday, April 11, 2014

Right now

Sometimes it just feels good to write, even if the writing isn't that good. It doesn't matter because I'm writing just for me, just to get it out of my head, out of my system. I'm sitting here reflecting on the obstacles that I am or my family is currently facing. We have a significant few. But, perhaps strangely, I feel calm and assured that everything is going to be ok and work out fine. This feeling, I know, comes from God. He loves us and is aware of our struggles, self doubts, fears, insecurities, frailties, strengths, gifts, and potential. If we (I) truly understand Him and our (my) relationship to him (child and father), we do not need to doubt anything. Yes, things will be difficult, and we will need to take action and do our part, even when we don't want to or don't think we can, BUT he will take care of us, always. Nothing else matters. My little word of the year, trust, takes a big amount of commitment to see through. And, I'm trying.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

There are some good things going on that I need to document:

I have been doing Pilates since late July 2013, and I am loving it, my very positive and encouraging instructor, and the results I'm seeing over time. I have great days and hard days at school, and I never know which one is coming, but both teach me so much. Yesterday, a student gave me a book from she and her step mom; the best part was the really nice and encouraging inscription inside. It was much needed and appreciated and made me feel that maybe I am doing something right. Also, I give my students pencils for their birthdays; it's funny to me that 7th and 9th graders look forward to this tiny gift enough to write their birthdays on the calendar, and also to say "I didn't get one on MY birthday" and then I quickly make amends by giving them one. Their reactions are really cute, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something good and positive. I remember when I was in grade school, our principal would call us down on our birthday and we'd get to choose a pencil and a pencil topper/eraser. I was both terrified and excited to meet with the principal. His kindness made a lasting impression on me! Sean and I are planning and pre-paying for our study abroad trip, which is coming up in June. We are getting really excited; it will be the first time either of us has been abroad, and it will be awesome to experience everything together. I am most worried about the flight--I'm an anxious flyer (who am I kidding? I am an anxious everything :)). Good thing Sean will be there for comfort and support. Right now, I've got something in the works that has forced me to "put myself out there," and no matter how it turns out, I've learned that I really need to have more confidence in myself and my abilities. I am very grateful to my friend Mandi Wilson, who has great trust in me and sees what my strengths are. She has been wonderful! Life is good. I am blessed.

Saturday, January 25, 2014

The new tough thing

I took a much needed nap today, only waking up because I drank so much water earlier at Pilates and at breakfast with Sean that I had to "go." I have had a difficult week. Teaching for a charter school brings many challenges, one of which is very involved parents. I have spent the last two weekends defending my teaching practices, classroom management style, and late work policies, on top of the pile of regular planning, reading, and grading I need to do before Monday morning. I received emails accusing me of one faulty practice or another, where I'm never recognized for the good I try to achieve every day, let alone ever given the benefit of the doubt. I'm a sensitive person, and I take my career choice very seriously, so emails like this feel personal, and I take them deeply to heart. I have felt frustrated to the point of giving up many times over the last two years, but I know I've come too far to do that. The learning curve of teaching has been a very steep one for me, and any time I have ever felt I'm finally getting the hang of it, and that I might finally be cresting the hill, the route changes and the grade increases becoming steeper yet again. Amidst this mindset today, I had this thought come to me: "this is not the toughest thing I've ever been through; it's just the newest tough thing. It's hard because it's new, and I've never done it before, but soon, it will be old, and I will have learned the things I need to about how to work through this and how to gain a sort of mastery over it just in time for the next new tough thing. Then I'll start the process over again with something else. But I'll have gained something valuable as a result." There was more to my thought that I can't seem to remember, but the important thing is that I think I made a breakthrough, at least where my perspective is concerned. Instead of dreading the next tough thing, I briefly saw it as an amazing opportunity for growth and mastery. I saw the potential in my mistakes, and I visualized myself becoming the kind of teacher, the kind of person, I'd like to become. Not some cynical hardened person, but rather a wise, kind, soft-centered one. One who uses the past to create a brighter future and who shares her wisdom openly with any one who might be going through their own new tough thing.

Thursday, October 31, 2013

I love going to the temple. All feels right with my life and the world again.

Friday, October 11, 2013

Postey Posterton

I have guilt about never posting on my blog. Actually, I have a lot of guilt about a lot of silly things. It's fall break and I'm still up before the crack of dawn, but this is normal for me. I'm teaching full time this year, and I'm (mostly) loving it. Guess what? Teaching is challenging; the work never stops, but it's fun and exciting too. Sean and I are planning to go on study abroad in London with my school next summer. We are going to apply for our passports this afternoon, so it feels official. Neither of us have ever been out of the United States before, unless you count that time I went to the Canadian side of Niagra Falls, which shouldn't count. Needless to say, we're excited! Our first plane ride together was just last Christmas when we flew to Missouri to stay with our friends, the Lewises. It was awesome! We now want to travel together all the time :). Corinne and Forrest flew to Sacramento to visit the Geertsens, and they seem to be having a great time. Skyler is working for Mikey (my brother) and loving it. Sean is getting closer to his degree and just got a nice raise at work--he totally deserves it; I don't know anyone who works harder. His print studio is coming along nicely too--we hope to paint the outside this weekend. Pictures to come!

Monday, May 27, 2013

More

9. Do what you like. I like thrift shopping, and I just might be hipster because I was doing it long before it was cool. Back when the entrance of The D.I. ran parallel with the diagonal in Provo. Darn that Macklemore's hide for putting thrif shop in a song because I'll never have the place to myself again. I also like mowing the lawn. Something about creating straight lines and breathing in the fresh cut grass calms me and simultaniously makes my eyes water and nose stuffy. It's great!

10. I have discovered the key to success. Just keep trying NOMATTERWHAT.

11. If you base your worth on what other people think of you, you will live and die according to their word. Get off that roller coaster.

12. Walk your dogs. You will learn so much about your neighborhood.

13. Yoga

14. I will always love and play Super NES. It never gets old!

Saturday, April 20, 2013

Wisdom, continued


6. Don't be afraid to love for fear of losing.  Love is ALWAYS worth it!

7. Give sincere compliments when you feel inspired to; you will never regret making someone's day a little better.

8. In conjunction with number 7, learn to receive compliments with grace. Rejecting sincere compliments hurts both you and the giver tremendously. Don't do it!